Monday, February 20, 2012

To Boob or Not to Boob...

Every Saturday morning we go to music class with Meg. During that class, I know three things will happen: we will sing some ridiculously catchy and annoying song that will be caught in my head all week, the children will bang loudly and with little rhythm on various instruments, and a 4-year old classmate of Meg's will unceremoniously lift her mother's shirt and breast feed. Oh, and then a fourth thing happens: I start arguing with myself about whether or not that is appropriate.
Conservative Libby: PUT YOUR DAMN BOOB AWAY!
Liberal Libby: It's a beautiful, natural thing. Breast is best.
CL: Trust me, that is not that kid's main source of food.
LL: Well, it's comforting to the child. It's bonding.
CL: Great, give her a little cuddle. Meg's binky is comforting to her, but we don't let her have that in class.
LL: You really should start to wean her off of that.
CL: Don't you start with me. We are talking about the boobs. How does that Mom not wear a bra? She's a very full figured woman.
LL: I think that's called Rubenesque. If it makes you so uncomfortable, just don't look at her. Think of Rick Santorum's sweater vests.
CL: Not cool. And like that's sooo easy. Oh my God, now she's dancing AND nursing?
LL: You have to admit that's impressive multi-tasking.
CL: Do you have any idea how many times I've almost sung "roll that little boob round the room"? Or how about "dance to your boobie?"
LL: Stop it. You don't mind it when the other Moms in the class do it.
CL: They have infants. Their children don't come up and undress them.
LL: If you start discriminating against one breast feeding Mom, where do you stop? Who is going to draw the line?
CL: Me. And I'm drawing it right over there.
LL: We should blog about this.
CL: Are you kidding? Why don't we just find an active mine field and go for a stroll?
We're switching classes next term. It was either that, or all of us wearing those boob hats to class to make a point.

Those are the options things both of me can agree upon... And they don't make adult sizes in the hats.


Tracy Lynn said...

I don't mind women breast feeding their infants in public. I think it's seriously creepy that a 4 year old is still nursing, ANYWHERE.
Just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should.
OMG, dude, my verification is new titfor. You can't make that shit up.

Riot Kitty said...

OMG, 4 years old?! WTF?! I say go for the boob hats. Tracy is right, infants, yes, small children...eeesh.

She Said said...

Hahahahahhahaaa! That was hilarious. And I didn't have to picture you in one of those boobie hats to almost spit box wine out of my nose. Well done! Bravo!

Cindy said...

I think making a point with boob hats is perfect. 4 is too old to breastfeed in public in my humble opinion. Totally inappropriate.

Granny Annie said...

Why not suggest she tuck a cookie under one of those Rubenesque tits and give the kid a choice. I'm betting the four year old would pick the cookie. If this was vital to the child's life and the family can't afford milk (only music lessons), then by all means, let the nursing begin. BUT if this is a quick snack, go with the cookie in public. Even my mother goats know when it is time to push the kid away.

Mandy_Fish said...

"Think of Rick Santorum's sweater vests!"

I'm dying. You are hilarious. I'm going to say that to myself whenever I'm disturbed by something that is none of my business. Which is often.



missohkay said...

I'm going to have to agree with Conservative Libby (oh god, did I just agree with a conservative?!) When I watched a two-year-old ask her mother's friend if she could nurse from that friend at a funeral luncheon a couple of years ago, I decided that if you're old enough to ask for the boob in sentences, you're old enough to not have it!

Gina said...

I am totally militant about women's right to breastfeed wherever they damned well please, but I'll admit, a four year old is kind of disconcerting. BUT - I will have to deal with my own discomfort, because I feel like saying it's wrong for HER can lead to saying it;s wrong for the mother of the 3, or 2, or 1 year old or newborn, just because someone is bothered by it. It's too slippery a slope.

Serial Monogamist said...

I'm afraid I'm with Gina.

However, I would not be able to keep myself from having a guttural reaction, blogging about it, or working the story about it into every conceivable conversation.

"Oh, is that goat cheese? Speaking of goats, there's this lady in a class I take ..."

"Nice hat. Makes me think of those boob hats. Come to think of it, there's this lady ..."

"What's that officer? I was going 4 miles over the speed limit? On the subject of the number 4 ..."

CrazyAssMomma said...

sounds like the movie grown ups.

i would be changing classes too.

beautiful, natural, all that aside, nope, your kid is too old for that.

Kelly said...

When I was a kid, one of my Mom's friends was one of these women. Her son who was five would come up, unbutton her shirt, pop her boob out and go to town.

I think I was eight.

It may have scarred me for life.

BugginWord said...

Shit. Yes weird and all that stuff but since this (and everything else ever...obviously) is about me, I'm just going to sob in a corner because I can no longer pretend people don't notice when I'm breastfeeding in public.

Duffmano said...

Dude, I whip out my rack whenever I see that someone is looking forlorn and ask if a snack might help. You'd be surprised how many full grown men say yes!
Honestly, I'm going have to cop to breastfeeding my last kid until he could ask for it. Granted, he was an early talker but when everyone in the family began to gag I was forced to stop.

The Sweetest said...

Well, I am going to go beyond CL and just say that it is fucked up. My 4 year old eats steak with a fork. He is on the verge of losing his first tooth and has feelings for the opposite sex. He doesn't even drink milk from a cup, much less my boob. I can remember being appalled when a two year old walked up and lifted up his mother's shirt to nurse. No, maam.

You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun... said...

I know this is a touchy subject and some women might say "You don't know until you've had a child".

I'm 100% for breastfeeding. Nobody is arguing the points of how beneficial it is. Buuuut, (in a fully developed country where we're surrounded by amenities) a child who's old enough to eat solid foods and walk and talk? Grosssssss. No way, man.

Also, why have I not been following you before??

Unknown said...

There are no historical, ancestoral tribes/cultures that breastfed past 36 months (or no data I could find, at least).

Jen said...

See, I thought if I waited a few days to respond I could come up with something more clever than this, but I just can't. This post just cracked me up. Very well done Libby.

Ann Imig said...

roll that little boob round the room

makes me think of

"pass the boobie to the left hand side"

Hilarious post.

Three Cats and a Baby said...

That's a tough one. I'm fine with breast feeding into toddler years...but 4 is old. And in a class setting like that, it feels inappropriate.

The other day on the radio they were saying nobody should breast feed in public. Even if you have a newborn. You should just stay home or use a bathroom. I was yelling at the radio. (My yelling didn't make them stop.) One of them said women didn't have the right to educate their children on how babies are fed. Good grief. I can't imagine what they would do in that class.

Sam said...

You are officially my new hero. First, for being totally hilarious. Second, for agreeing with me--both sides. ;) And third, for being brave enough to blog about it! I was once at a party where I had a LOOOOONG chat with a very articulate 5-year-old who then walked over, whipped up her mother's shirt and latched onto her braless boob. And I felt my mouth fill with vomit. It wasn't the political me, or the judgey me. It was the instinctive me. If I can't justify it, I at least have to own it. :)

The Twisted Tine said...

I totally just added that to my favorites on Etsy. Hope the lady doesn't get mad.

Yeah, I'd likely be veeeery uncomfortable in that situation, but would do my best to ignore it. I'm not really one to interject opinions over the matter in real life, but I am a fan of cutting cords at an early age for that sort of thing. It's bound to cause some longterm challenges for the kid, I'd think...