Monday, March 15, 2010

Sweet, and Kind of Gross

The grocery store where I like to do my shopping is on the same block as a retirement home, and it offers a myriad of free samples -- those two facts make it like Vegas for the the Utah elderly. On the really busy days the aisles are a traffic jam of Jazzies and walkers. You can say "excuse me" and hope someone has a hearing aid turned up, but it's likely you will either have to wait, or find an alternate route.

Meg is like old person crack. Even the most racist curmudgeon cracks a smile when they see her. I cannot make it through the store without being told at least twice that the bakery gives out free cookies, and that all babies love cookies. It doesn't matter if I tell them Meg has no teeth, or that we don't want to give her refined sugar (that one NEVER goes over well, not even with my Mother), or that Meg would just drop it on the floor, looking for the dog to pick it up, they think Meg should have a cookie. Twice I have been hunted down by an elderly do-gooder, who was either sure that I was too dumb to find the bakery, or that I was just too mean to give my baby a cookie. Both times I have picked up said cookie from the floor while Meg looked around for Sally.

I could change grocery stores. I could go to the one by our house which is filled with nothing but college kids, and where beer is always on sale. However, there is a reason I like this store -- and it isn't just the produce -- it's the old people. Every once in a while I witness something that is the definition of awesome. Like today: I was walking out to the parking lot, Meg in the seat, Luke eating chicken fingers, basket full of groceries, Sally waiting in the car -- right behind an elderly couple. They were moving slowly, and I wasn't sure if they had their arms around each other out of affection, or for support. Then, as they turned into their car, they parted, but not before the woman slid her hand down the man's back, and lovingly cupped his butt cheek.

I told you, awesome.

Luke saw it too, and started to say "did she just.." but I put my hand over his mouth, and laughed loudly, hoping they didn't hear it. Then I pulled out my cell phone and made Ryan promise I could grab his ass in public in 40 years.

I will never shop anywhere else.

17 comments:

Kim said...

My scales are tipping more on the gross side at the moment. Of course, I've had my fill of geriatric skin shows, having visited my mother in law at the nudist colony before. I've seen things no human being should have to in their lifetime.

Amanda said...

Wait a minute - you exposed my impressionable young son to geriatric ass grabbing?!?!!? That warrants more than a glass of wine when I come to pick him up.

I like that grocery store too, unless I am being hit on by creepy butcher shop guy, offering to cook me a steak.

Her said...

That is sweetly gross! Old people can be so adorable.

L.A. Harker said...

That made me laugh AND cry with sappy emotion. I love it!

fancypants said...

I think it is too friggin' cute! I love to see old people being affectionate- it makes me hopeful for the future. As long as they keep their clothes on I say its cute.

Kelly said...

Our grocery store gives out cookies, cheese slices "as big as your head", and balloons. I always try to bypass the balloons, and cookies. Someone always tries to point them out. Cats and droopy helium balloons with curling string are not friends. Our cats always try to eat the string, and you know what happens then? The kitties turn into the balloon for a while.

LiLu said...

My heart?

Warm and fuzzy.

Thank you.

erin said...

I avoid taking my kids to the store ever. People are just drawn to them. Rose's big eyes, Olivia's red hair, Max's petite adorableness, Elijah perfectly perfect cuteness...

I always pat Jeremiah's butt, it's some kind of weird subconscious thing. Even though I don't realize I'm doing it, he gets mad and embarrassed when I do. Especially in front of his dad and stepmom. Whoops.

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

Old people feeling each other up? Now that's refined sugar, baby.

Summer said...

Soon Meg will come to expect the cookie. Our babies walk into a store and think it's customary to receive free baked goods.

Gina said...

I think it's sweet. My grandma used to sit right next to my Grandpap in the car like a teenager right up until they enacted the seat belt law.

Alyssa said...

Libby, thanks for commenting on my blog. Working in news as you do, I bet you do hear everything...

Hope to see you back; your input is appreciated.

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

Oh, think of the gift you are giving these old people, even by taking the dreaded cookies. Great way to start now by teaching Meg respect, and that we can just take it and make someone's day (and then quietly dispose of it at the first opportunity).
Love the ass-grabbing bit too!

for a different kind of girl said...

I think I need to move and go shopping at that grocery store. If the bakery wants to stockpile the cookies they could give to Meg, I'll just pick them up, too.

Cate said...

I am going to give your kid nothing but refined sugar from now on.

Badass Geek said...

I love the word curmudgeon.

She Said said...

Saaaa-weeeeet! On so many levels.