Thursday, May 14, 2009

Jesus Loves Ellen

There is nothing very funny or interesting about me right now. My depression and anxiety have gotten the best of me as of late and it is all I can do to breathe without crying, much less be entertaining for millions of readers the world over. I don't know if it is the adoption process that is getting to me, or a nasty e-mail I received earlier in the week, or PMS, but whatever it is, I just can't shake it. So, since I am busy being the Martha Stewart of pity parties, I figure I can either promise you all five dollars to keep reading, or I can I tell you a story about someone who is always funny and interesting -- my Mom, Ellen. Yeah, that's better than money...

My Mom was raised in a Catholic family, which meant as soon as she was old enough to understand the pain of a ruler smack she was shipped off to Catholic school. The children that do best in Catholic school are the ones that are quiet and docile, that love rules, and crave order, and that believe if they step out of line Jesus will barbecue their soul for all eternity. My mother was not one of these children, and so was constantly in trouble from the time she first entered school, until the day she was kicked out. I think she probably always knew the day was coming, but no one had any idea how spectacular her exit would be.

The school my Mom attended was called St. Mary's of the Wasatch, was run by a bunch of nuns, and guarded over by a large bronze statue of Jesus with his arms outstretched on the back field. By the time Ellen was a student the school was in it's last days, about to be sold and replaced with expensive homes. Almost every part of it was in disrepair, including the Jesus statue, which has lost a hand to Utah's harsh winters freezing the metal over and over again. Nowhere in the bible had my Mother read about Jesus only having one hand, so she decided to help a savior out -- by making him a hook.

The way she tells the story, making the hook was a breeze, but getting it on was the hard part. The statue was at least eight feet tall, and she, like me, is a midget. She had to climb up into Jesus' arms in order to place it, with her friend Jenny pushing her up and holding her legs. Of course, once she was up there, and the hook was placed, my Mom didn't want all of her hard work to go to waste, so she asked Jenny to take a picture of her. Jenny ran back into the school to get her camera, and Ellen waited there with Jesus, contemplating her awesomeness.

Then the nuns came out.

Ellen looked up into Jesus' face and said "if you have ever done a miracle, please do it now."

My Mom says that it took her thirty minutes to get up into the statue's arms, and it took the nuns thirty seconds to get her down. She doesn't remember a lot after that, except that her locker was cleaned out, her father was called, and the housekeeper came to pick her up. The next week she started at the public high school down the hill.

She didn't last at that school either, but that's a story for another time. No wonder she is such an excellent teacher, because there is nothing any kid can do that she doesn't done before, and done more spectacularly, so she sees no bad kids. They all have value in her eyes, and they feel that. Oh, and they love her stories.

Wow, I am actually feeling better now. Thanks, Mom.

14 comments:

Yellow Trash Diaries said...

Hey Libby- I just wanted to say that this is one of my favorite places to go to and lately I've been reading all your old stuff. I'm rooting for you.
The last few years have almost done me in as well. My husband and I had a restaurant for 6 years that failed and now we are in so much financial ruin it isn't funny. I wish we had moved because everyone still asks what happened- some of them really want to know and some just like to see a trainwreck. Assholes.
And of course I was depressed after Jay was diagnosed with a hearing impairment.
In high school, I was the girl everyone thought would succeed. Now I can't seem to get a job to save my life- just a few years ago I was waiting tables again.
Hang in there.

She Said said...

I think I love Ellen too! She sounds awesome! I too went to Catholic school for K - 6th grade. And I wasn't even Catholic. Talk about a head job.

Just like your previous commenter, I am rooting for you too. You know I think a road trip with a back seat of box wine might be in order at some point in our future. :)

Emily-Ione said...

Firstly depression, PMS and all of that blows monkeys.
The adoption process can't be easy, but after what you have toughed through already I'm sure you will hold up with flying colours.

Secondly - I love your mom.

Ellen said...

Ah, this makes me proud to share her name!

Dan Ray said...

Would you send her my love please? She's an awesome human, and so are each of her kids.

Sprite's Keeper said...

That is a great story! Your mom must be a hit at parties!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

A hook??!

Arrrgh, Maties, I be the son of God...

Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

A. I'm a big fan of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety. Don't be ashamed if you need to get some help. Hormones are horrible.

B. A Hook! I love your mom.

C. It must be hard to be a midget.

Yellow Trash Diaries said...

I kinda feel naked with my long ass comment hanging out there. Anyway, that was me trying to make you feel better by showing you how I can make my stomach look like a butt. So you can say, I may feel bad about myself but look at THAT...

Miss Yvonne said...

There is nothing better than a Mom-Climbing-One-Handed-Jesus story to make you feel better.

pamajama said...

"She sees no bad kids."

WOW! What a great story and obviously the best kind of teacher:)

Princess Consuela Bananahammock said...

I almost choked on my Snackwells Devils Food cookie when I read the part about your mom fashioning a hook for Jesus. Aww... she's so thoughtful!

Depression and anxiety both blow. You know that. I know that. We all know it. And I'm glad to see you can be honest about it.

Adoption stuff can be so freakin' emotionally draining! But you're a strong one and I know you'll be blessed in the end. :)

Amanda said...

Easily one of the best Mom stories out there.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

This story made my entire day. I can't wait to share with hubbie. Please tell me that there is a photo. I was bad in my Catholic school, but nothing that daring. Your mom is my new hero. You need to have a t-shirt made in her honor.