Thursday, January 8, 2009

No, I'm Serious

I have decided to get Botox. Not because I am worried about wrinkles, I mean, I am, it’s just that right now I am more worried about acne, which really isn’t fair. I really think that once you start making a house payment and paying taxes acne should automatically go away. That’s another post though, so back to Botox. I am not going to get it to keep my face unlined, but rather to take my sarcasm to a whole new level.

You see, while I am good at thinking up sarcastic bon mots, my face sometimes gives me away. My brow will wrinkle, or I will start to smirk slightly. My eyes will slightly crinkle into part of a sardonic smile. Just imagine how confused people will be when they can’t read my facial expressions to see if I am kidding or not.

There is only one problem with my plan that I can think of -- drooling. Getting enough Botox in my face to completely mask emotion could stop my lips from holding enough tension to keep my saliva in my mouth. While that would make eating soup with people I don’t know more interesting, it would make day to day interactions uncomfortable. Of course, the limp lips would give me a very interesting speech pattern that would mess with people’s minds even more than the sarcasm would. I mean, as long as I don’t drool, then people would just think I had a stroke. And we all know there is nothing funny about strokes. I say that with a straight face – which will be much straighter later…


Sarah Bellum said...

Botox helped me look like a nice member of society for three months. Now I'm back to a constant scowl. I miss the needle.

Lorrie Veasey said...

Oooooooooo make sure you totally publish the before and afters. I might see your Botox and raise you a chemical peel and some Alli.

Well-except for the "anal leakage" with the Alli.

Damn the side effects of these things that make us so pretty.

Emily-Ione said...

That lack of "angry face" may save my marriage! Sign me up!