Thursday, January 22, 2009


Salt Lake City is totally gross right now. Actually, it isn't just Salt Lake. Provo, Ogden, and pretty much all of the valley areas are covered in a greenish brown soup of pollution. It happens every year, and there is even a name for it: the inversion. When it starts every year we run stories about how the hot air and the cold air form strata, keeping pollution in valley areas. We remind people that it is a yearly occurance, and not to go outside due to the fact the air will coat their lungs with pollution like fried chicken batter. We let people know that it will end with the next storm, and that they should just hold on, and not lose all hope. None of this helps though, because at the heart of the matter is the fact the inversion really sucks.

People walk the streets during the inversion like peasants in fantasy movies. It's like no one can stand up straight. All outfits look like rags through the haze. No beauty treatment works, since all beauty has been swathed in grime. Everyone looks like Pigpen from "Peanuts." Personality goes out the window during the inversion too. Grunts are considered greetings, and no one is insulted if you yawn in the middle of a conversation, because they understand you just aren't getting enough oxygen. No one really wants to talk anyway.
This is nothing... You should see it now.

You can taste the air during the inversion. It has a metallic tang, and light undercurrents of depression and death. No food or drink tastes as good during these times due to the pollution coating the palate. That does make it easier to eat things like broccoli, since it tastes like inversion every day.

The only places not affected by the inversion are the mountains. Everyone heads to the hills when things get bad. Sundance may be good for Park City's economy, but it is nothing compared to the money they must make from inversion refugees. I know Ryan and I don't really look at the bill when we are up there during the inversion -- we are too busy breathing deep and looking at the blue sky in wonder.

There is supposed to be a storm coming on Sunday to knock this gunk out of the valley. I'm not too hopeful though. This is probably just Mother Nature messing with us. We will probably never see the sun again, and if it does we will all likely burst into flame, or cower like morlocks.

Did I mention the inversion sucks all sense of hope? Yeah, it does...


Amanda said...

Could you please have the weather men whip up a storm?? I have never found myself praying for snow quit this adamantly.

Tara said...

I went to the beach last weekend.