Junk Mail

Ryan likes to go fishing. I like to buy him fishing related things for birthdays and other occasions. This, unfortunately, usually means I have to go to stores that specialize not only in fishing, but also hunting, boating, and even spitting (no, really, have you ever been to Cabelas?). These stores, like all others, have sold my personal information to other stores they think I might be interested in. At least, I think that has happened. How else can I explain how this ended up in my mailbox:
I really doubt my contributions to the Human Rights Campaign sparked the interest of the "Smoky Mountain Knife Works." After all, this is a catalog that carries TWELVE PAGES of items that cannot be sold in "California, Massachusetts, and anywhere legislators have more sense than guns." That isn't Utah, so I sat down with the catalog and my credit card, ready to order some knives. After all, it is almost Christmas, and who wouldn't want a stocking of weapons? I mean, add kids cracked on candy canes, and parents with a little too much nog in them, and you have a holiday to remember...

I found the perfect gift for my Dad right away...

Or this one if he's feeling fancy...

This would be perfect for Tara. After all, how often am I going to find a gift "as tough" as she is? I mean, unless I happen to find a ninja hamster breeder...

And finally, a gift that seems to be made for my Mom, the hardest person to buy for on my list. Finally, something that says "I think you are a really talented teacher" but doesn't include fake school kid writing, or illustrations of pencils and apples. I mean, I guess I could have those stenciled on, but it would probably be extra.

You can whack AND punch with it. What a multi-tasker.

Now, I know I am coming off sarcastic, but I think I am really going to order something from ole Smoky Mountain, even though Ryan is upset that they don't feature nunchucks, and only one type of ninja star. After all, I do live in Utah, and after my ATV adventure this weekend I am thinking I should start embracing the culture more. Also, I just want to see what catalogs will come once they sell my info. I'm betting taxidermy and home schooling. Or maybe one that features breeders for that elusive ninja hamster.