Citizen's Cane

My Father is rapidly recovering from his knee injury. In fact, he is doing so well that he has now gone from using crutches to using a cane. And I have to say, the cane is awesome. Honestly, why don't we all use these things? Canes may be the coolest accessory ever. Think of all the things you can do with them! For instance, say the urge to dance hits you on a busy street; ordinarily you would look pretty stupid just busting out in the old soft shoe. However, add a cane and suddenly you're a colorful busker in the style of Fred Astaire. People would actually stop to watch, and, perhaps, applaud when you were done. And it would all be because of the cane.

Canes aren't just for entertaining either. Say you had to point to something off in the distance, but your arm was tired and didn't want to lift that high. The cane could do it, and with panache! Or, what if there was something on a high shelf that you just couldn't reach? Well, as long as it wasn't breakable or alive, you could knock it into your waiting arms with ease. It would be just like having very long, stiff arms. People would be amazed at how handy you are, and invite you to all of their parties! Oh, yeah, it can be used for self defense as well. Check out the picture I found on Google! Why didn't I think of that immediately?

Don't mock his ponytail...

The "business end" of the cane isn't the only worthwhile part, either. The curved handle could come in handy when trying to snag an item at the far end of a table, or stopping hooligans by grabbing their collars as they run by. The handle also serves as an inconspicuous back scratcher.

I have tried to tell my Father about all of these uses for his cane, but he seems to prefer using it only for walking, and for trying to smack me when I bring up other uses for his cane. For instance, the other day he was taking inventory of equipment at the office when I happened to mention he could count things by pointing his cane at them. One, two, three, four, four portable edit decks. I thought it would help him better keep track, and make the task more fun. He thought I was being mocking. Mocking? Moi?

I would never mock something as wonderful as a cane. Yes, I might get him a top hat, and perhaps a monocle to go with it, but I will be buying those items with utter sincerity. And I will be awaiting the moment when he can walk unaided -- so the cane will be mine.