I'm Scared of Sarah Palin

If the Democrats lose this Presidential race they should just go ahead and disband the party. Give up the ghost. Hold a fire sale, and the last person out turn off the lights. The party should become a footnote in history, like the Whigs. The epitaph will read "Democrats: loved to lose." And once all that is done? We should crown Karl Rove, in all his evil genius glory, king of America. Because if he can get the American people to vote for Sarah Palin for Vice President, he is truly deserves it.

On the surface the pick of Palin appears to be a softball for the Democrats. She is inexperienced, speaks more like a cheerleader than a lawmaker, and has previously said that she isn't quite sure what the Vice President does. Her greatest foreign policy credential (cited by pundits and Cindy McCain alike) is that "Alaska is close to Russia." Oh, and the idea that she could appeal to women who were going to vote for Hillary Clinton is laughable, and, in fact, kind of insulting. The only thing she and Hillary have in common is plumbing. They are polar opposites on every other issue, and Palin has previously said she wouldn't have voted for Clinton because she "whines" too much. And if you don't want to dislike Palin because of substantive issues, there are a lot of petty things you can pick on. She's a tyrant who may have fired a state employee who wouldn't help her take revenge on her brother in law. Her 17 year old daughter is pregnant. Her hair and nails are absolutely awful. But, none of that matters, because Karl Rove is on her side, and he can make people want to vote for her.

Think about it. Any attacks on Palin, valid or not, will be seen like beating up on a puppy. Pundits, and mall moms, will come to her defense. "How dare you," they'll say, "doesn't this poor woman have enough to deal with?" Rove will have McCain's campaign push the "she's just like you" argument over and over again until every American feels that any criticism of Sarah Palin is a personal affront. People will vote for her just not to hurt her feelings. And those who don't fall for that ploy? Rove will get them with a call for "family values."

Rove's Mona Lisa

McCain can't run on the war. He can't run on the economy. Both of those are a mess, and polls show that people (rightly so) blame the White House. So, talking about either issue will just open him up to attacks from Democrats. But, what if he didn't have to talk about either issue? With Sarah Palin by his side he doesn't have to. He can talk about Sarah Palin's daughter keeping her baby because of the sanctity of life. He can talk allowing same sex partners to have benefits without giving them the right to marry (Palin vetoed a bill barring same sex benefits for state workers, but is against gay marriage). He can talk about Palin's husband, and his job on an oil pipeline. The McCain campaign will be based on social issues, and pulling heartstrings, and if Karl Rove has his way it will work.

Already some Democrats are starting to hedge their bets. Today, I heard one staunch supporter say "well, Obama really hasn't gotten a bounce from the convention." Others haven't had time to focus on what Obama is doing, because they are so worked up over Palin. No one is touting what a great President he could be, because they are all too busy watching this train wreck that will soon be our Vice President. Today I was shocked when I saw Obama quoted in a story about Palin. I kind of forgot he was out there, as will everyone else, which will make the segue into the family values campaign even easier for Rove.

Now, I know that I sound like a conspiracy theorist who lives in a basement somewhere in Nebraska. But really, Rove has done it before, why shouldn't he do it again? I mean, who would have thought a C- Yale student with a history of drug use and failed business dealings would one day be the most powerful man in the world? Karl Rove, that's who.

So, laugh now, Democrats. You could be crying later unless you pay attention.