Olympic Malaise

I have never been so glad to get up at 5am in my life.

After two weeks of Olympics caused schedule madness I am back to my own show, and I cannot tell you how happy I am. I missed the silence of the news room in the early morning, the stale smell of food left by the shift before, and, yes, I even missed the people, snarky and sunlight deprived as they are. Really, I think some of them have rickets. However, no matter how happy I am to be back in my own environs, the end of the Olympics is really less about what I missed, and more about the things I am glad to see go. So, here, in no particular order, are the five reasons the Olympics sucked.

1. I Gained Weight. Well, this wasn't directly the fault of the Olympics, but I'm still unhappy about it. I work in a television newsroom. As anyone who has ever worked in a television newsroom can tell you, it's like pulling up a chair to the feeding trough. Now, since I work off hours I often miss the feeding frenzies, but being there during normal business hours meant I was in the thick of it. On two days a restaurant sent us free sandwiches trying to get us to pimp their product on air. Three times there were various treats to celebrate birthdays. At least four times people brought in fruit from their yards about to go bad, or various chips and sweets left over from family parties. If you set food down in the newsroom, it will get eaten. And I figured it would be rude not to at least sample the offerings. Thank God I have pants with elastic waists.

2. Luke was Pissed. I have spent a lot of time, effort, and money trying to stay on the good side of this five year old. And now the Olympics have blown that all to hell. Because I had to work all day we did not have any time to play, go to lunch, or buy things at Toys R Us. One day he was driving with my Mom when he said to her "Is Libby back on the noon?" She replied that I was doing a later show because of the Olympics. "well, I'm mad at the Olympics," he replied. Amen, Luke, amen.

3. They Made My Writing Boring. Twice during the Olympics I had to produce an all Olympics show called, fittingly, "The Olympic Zone." It was the most trying show I have ever had to do. I mean, really, how many ways can you say "going for the gold"? Not many. I found myself coming up with odd phrases to make it sound just a little different. "On the Olympic train to gold town," is one that sticks out in my mind. Don't worry, it didn't make air. The anchor took it out and then asked if I was feeling okay. I said no, I had the Olympic flu. He asked if that was like Olympic fever. I said yes, but with more vomiting.

4. I Stayed Up Too Late. I didn't have to be to work until nine because of the games, but even with that time to sleep in I still found myself dragging, because I had stayed up until midnight the night before to see Michael Phelps swim, or some pocket sized gymnast hurl herself through the air. Also, I found myself watching television during the day, which I never do on my normal schedule, because I wanted to see events like rhythmic gymnastics and trampoline that just weren't good enough for prime time. I'm telling you, if I were 15 years younger, eight inches taller, one hundred pounds lighter, and had no bones, I would totally get into rhythmic gymnastics.

5. Days of Our Lives. I have a television that sits on my desk at work. In the mornings it's tuned the "Today Show" so that I can at least pretend I'm watching the news. However, in the afternoons, that insidious menace known as "Days of Our Lives" comes on. Previously when I worked days I was totally sucked into it. I couldn't even pretend I wasn't interested in the sagas of John and Marlena, of Sammi and EJ. That dissipated the moment I started my new shift, and wasn't chained to a desk the hour a day it is on. But during these two weeks I found myself once again hooked. I actually spent evenings looking up plot lines to try and figure out what had happened in the past two years. The only thing that was still the same was Marlena was in a coma. I think it was a different coma, but still...

It will be two years before I have to deal with another Olympics. Perhaps in that time I can learn patience, and find a way to tolerate, and even enjoy the games and the changes they bring. Of course, on the off chance that doesn't happen, maybe I could find a place that will place me in a medically induced coma for two weeks. I think that might be better for all of us...