New Obsession

I am not what you would call a "networker." Sure, I have this blog, and I start to itch if I can't check my e-mail at least every three hours, but when it comes to all of the social and business networking sites, I really can't be bothered. I got a My Space page when Tara wanted me to check out a guy she was dating, but after the first few days it did nothing but gather dust until I deleted it. Same goes with my memberships on Good Reads, LinkedIn, and Webkinz (I just couldn't help myself, those little stuffed animals are just sooo cute!). Oh, and Twitter? The social networking/mini blogging site that I was so excited about? Totally over it. After about three days not even I cared what I was doing every second of every day. And I find myself fascinating.

About a week ago Tara e-mailed me to tell me she had gotten a Facebook page and to recommend I get one too. Looking at my long history of web networking apathy I replied with a hearty NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! She then threatened to make a page for me. I said I didn't care as long as I didn't have to look at it. She then threatened to link me up with all kinds of weirdos. Again, I said I didn't care as long as I didn't have to be involved. Also, who could she possibly put me in contact with that is weirder than the people I already associate with? I was not tempted. Then she mentioned she found the profile of someone we used to know -- and that she had gotten really fat. So, I signed up. And now I am hooked.

You see, Facebook takes the best part of all of the other sites, and leaves out the boring shit. You can spy on old high school classmates -- but not have to worry about them seeing your stuff unless you want them to. You can instant message, and update what you are doing, but since it's only a small piece of the pie there isn't the mind numbing pressure to think up something funny to say -- like there is on Twitter. I'm sure it's better than LinkedIn too, I've just never really looked at that site other than to sign up and then drop out, so I'm not sure how. Oh, and it has something no other site has -- bar fighting.

Yes, with only a click of the mouse I can now challenge my friends, co-workers, and random people who I have only met once but found me online to a bar fight. It's even better because most of the time when I'm on Facebook I've already had a few drinks. And as if beating my friends at a computer game featuring a random number generator that determines the outcome wasn't good enough, I get peanuts for every fight I win! And I can buy virtual stuff with those peanuts! Oh, and if I threatening to beat down friends in a bar fight gets boring I can switch over and devour them in the Zombie game! What could better? Nothing, that's what.

I really think the only problem with Facebook might be that I like it too much. This weekend Ryan had to ask me twice to step away from the computer and spend time with him, and it got to the point where I was sneaking back to the screen when he was downstairs or in the other room. Is it considered cheating if there is a whole network of people involved?

It is entirely possible that I will fall out of love with Facebook soon. After all, Tara is now bored with it, and she loves this kind of crap. I told her she can't drop out yet though -- she got me into this, so now she has to stay until I am done having my fun. Once that fun is over though we can drop out together. After that I'll always remember my Facebook summer romance, just like the men I once knew that I found in it's pages. Those men I had mad crushes on, that marked my soul forever -- and now are bald or fat.