Like Monkeys Wearing Pants

Today I am hung out with Luke and his friend Cooper, which probably would have driven me insane if listening to them wasn't so funny. Here's a sample:

Me: Do you guys want to go swimming?
Cooper: Yeah! I don't have my suit. Do I need a suit?
Luke: I went swimming last night at Olympus High School.
Copper: Where's Olympus High School? Have you seen High School Musical?
Luke: I don't like that.
Cooper: Yeah, it's a girl movie.
Luke: Except for Corbin Bleu.
Cooper: Yeah, and Zach.
Luke: They're the boys.
Cooper: Yeah.

I had a whole list of possible activities for the afternoon, and one by one they were shot down. Swimming? Cooper didn't have a suit. The zoo? Too rainy, and both of them had heard rumors that the animals were moving to a new zoo. They didn't want to risk it. The Children's Museum? Luke had been there. The Planetarium? Cooper had been there. For a second I thought about suggesting Chuck E Cheese, but then I realized I wasn't drunk enough. Finally, after I started thinking that we would just end up driving aimlessly around the valley the boys put their little heads together and came up with the one place they both desperately wanted to go: Toys 'R Us. Since I have long been open about my policy on buying the love of children I said okay.

The toy store trip was actually one of the easiest I have ever taken. I told Cooper and Luke they could either get one $10 toy each or pool their money and get a $20 toy. Either way all toys would be left at my house so they would have something to play with later on. The price caveat led to a go half an hour of the two of them going through the store pointing out everything that likely cost more than $20 and talking about how they wanted to avoid the "pink section."

After a while they finally settled on getting a small emergency play set with a firetruck and ambulance. It was only $15 -- mainly because it's made with the fine craftsmanship you can only get from child labor and the use of lead based paints. With the extra five bucks we decided to stop and get microwave popcorn and cookie dough, because, really, what is an afternoon with a high intake of salt, sugar and hydrogenated oil?

The next three hours were a blur of yelling, running, popcorn spills, and maniacal laughter. Oh, and crying when Luke dropped a dumbbell on his hand. What was he doing playing with a dumbbell? Well, he wanted to. Duh. Right after he did it one of the landscapers I had called showed up to give me a bid -- and I'm pretty sure he went away scared. If he didn't he must have been in 'Nam.

Now they are gone, and, honestly, the quiet is a little disconcerting. I think this must be the way monkey trainers feel when they get done with their day at the circus. I keep looking at Sally, waiting to have to tell her not to put the Hot Wheel up her nose. But she just stares back at me and sips her Chardonnay. She's very cultured.

I think I'll go play with my new Emergency set. Just to bring back some of the noise.