Utah is known s a conservative state. Wait, strike that, I meant an ultra conservative state. Seriously. There are some days that it is illegal to wear blue. This is a place where the good old boys network is considered progressive. It's where minority legislation is rights for brunettes. It's where Liberals are so used to fighting losing battles that when they win they don't know what to do, and usually just end up doing what the conservatives wanted anyway. However, recently one man has gone too far, and actually sparked outrage. Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, I give you state Senator Chris Buttars...
Isn't he magnificent? Don't you see the rays of light and knowledge just streaming from his eyes? This is the man who recently referred to a bill he didn't like as a "dark, ugly thing," adding (just in case we didn't get it) "this baby is black." And then he wondered why people took offense.
Of course, instantly the NAACP and anyone who doesn't fly a rebel flag over their house started calling for him to step down. He refused. He did kind of apologize though, saying he was sorry if people took offense. That's kind of like saying I'm sorry if anyone doesn't like this blog. I am not apologizing for writing it, just that some people may not have the good sense and well developed sense of humor to appreciate it. So, I think you can understand why the NAACP wasn't ready to kiss and make up just yet.
The next thing he did was plan a rally and begin making t-shirts for people to show their support for him. And he did it all with money from his campaign fund! Now, if that doesn't say "man of the people" I don't know what does. What a Mensch. Wait, I mean "good guy," since he probably wouldn't appreciate the Yiddish.
What a shock it was when people began saying that the idea of a rally was, at best, misguided. And how confused our dear Mr. Buttars must have been when his t-shirts sold fewer than those for Doug Henning's latest world tour. So, he decided to postpone his "Everybody Loves Chris" plan and grant one on one interviews to all of the papers and television stations. There was only one problem, he would be doing all the talking. In one interview he compared to those criticizing him to a "hate lynch mob," and tried to prove he wasn't racist by saying he had worked with "black kids, red kids, brown kids" at the Youth Corrections Ranch he started. Yes, he said "red kids." The only thing that would have been better is if he had said "I'm not racist, because being racist is gay."
Oh yes, I forgot to mention Buttars long standing hatred of homosexuals. At one point he referred to one of his colleagues who is homosexual as "the gay." It could have been worse, he could have called him "the sodomite." I 'm sure that's what he was thinking.
The nice thing about Chris Buttars is that there is really no reason to start a petition, or go to the state capitol with pitch forks and torches, because he'll do it all himself. I figure that if he keeps making public statements every other day in about a month he will be emerging in China. And think of all of the slurs he can make then...