Sunday, July 15, 2012

Missing my Beast

Ryan and I just got back from five days in Boston. We saw historic sites. We ate seafood. We went to the movies. We went to dinner after 6:30 and stayed out until after 11pm. We slept in. We wandered around Harvard Square and various old cemeteries. 

Mostly though? We missed Meg. 

That probably sounds silly to a lot of you. I know it did to me up until the point we boarded the plane on Tuesday. I thought it would be good to get away, to spend some time alone with my husband, and alone with myself; to remember what it is like to be an "adult" who doesn't think about if a menu has kid friendly foods, or where the nearest "potty" may be in case of emergency. 

I did all those things, of course. And it was really nice to sit outside at a bistro talking to Ryan and not worrying about chasing a toddler around the sidewalk. It was nice to hear there was a 30 minute wait for a table at brunch, and not decide to go somewhere else because a meltdown was imminent. For all those nice moments though, there were just so many more moments that Meg would have made better. 

Going to the aquarium? Yep. Spying wildlife in the cemeteries? Yep. Checking out the buskers near Harvard. Definitely. Eating anything? Totally. Taking the train? Meg loves trains so much that every ride would have been a treat. 

It was Thursday night when Ryan and I finally reached our breaking point. We had both had out moments, but kept telling each other that when we looked back on this trip we would remember just the time we got to spend together, not the time we didn't get to spend with Meg. Then we went to see the movie "Beasts of the Southern Wild." 

For those of you who haven't seen it yet, "Beasts" is a pretty heart wrenching movie anyway. It is even more heart wrenching though when you realize the little girl at the center of it, the one who keeps yelling for her "mama" looks very similar like the child you are missing 3-thousand miles away. Oh, and kind of acts like her too. 


By the end of the film Ryan and I were both sloppy, sobbing messes. The two small napkins we had gotten at the concession stand in case our popcorn was too greasy (as if that is really a thing), had now been shredded and melted with tears. The collar of his t-shirt looked like he had been in a rainstorm, and my bra was dripping like I was having a hot flash. 

If it hadn't been so much to change the tickets (yes, we checked), we would have gotten on a plane right then. 

Meg will be going on our next trip with us. And the one after that. Oh, and the one after that. Actually, she will be pretty much going on every trip we take from now until we can no longer force her to be seen with us. Yes, Ryan and I will likely miss out on some romantic moments. Yes, the trips will cost more and be driven by different agendas. It's a trade off though. Meg is three now. It seems like just yesterday she was a dream in my head. It will just be tomorrow that she is asking to be dropped off two blocks away from the mall and wanting to go "camping" instead of on a family trip. So, I am going to treasure every vacation I can. It will be worth passing up funky Chinese dumpling shops to find some place with cheese noodles. I will just keep a list of all the dumpling shops for trips Ryan and I take when we retire. Our "doughy goodness world tour" if you will. 

Oh, and the next time I see "Beasts" I am investing in Kleenex first. 


Jen said...

Very well put Libby. As much as I sometimes miss the me I was before E, I cannot comprehend existing without her now. Oh, and even when she's not with me, I note whether the menu/place is kid friendly or not. It's just second nature now.

G. B. Miller said...

An excellent idea for the future, but also keep in mind that also in the future, you're still gonna want to do the occasional trip sans Meg.

That is something that I'd learned with both of mine.

Riot Kitty said...

Awww! That was a very sweet post. It's nice to have someone home to miss, isn't it?

Amanda said...

It was so much fun to have some extended time with your "Beast". She is a swell kid & so much fun.

Kelly said...

My husband and I have yet to have left Mea for longer than one night.

I don't know who would want her for longer than that. :)

Summer said...

I have been known to ruin many a vacation "away" crying about missing the kids.

erin said...

When Jeremiah and I went to the Bahamas in April the first day was like this is so great! We ate, drank booze (which you know I never, ever do)and laid around and took care of no one other than ourselves and each other. The second day was all right but I was getting a little sad, missing Elijah. The third day I called him and he wasn't interested in talking to me so that made me sadder. Fourth day I cried a little, fifth day I started to feel guilty and our last day I would have done anything just to teleport home.

I missed him so much that even though we arrived to his grandma's where he was staying while we were gone at one AM I woke him up and cuddled him all night long.

Ah, will I ever be able to enjoy myself?

LL Cool Joe said...

It always seem such a wonderful idea to have some quality time away from the kids, until you get it.