Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Buying a Cage -- For the Fight

I am sitting here trying to write this post, which is supposed to be about very important things, but I am being distracted by the mounting rumble in my living room. Did bikers move in, I am sure you are asking. Or ruffians? Or circus people? No, no, and no. The battle royale is between my 2-year old, and her 8-year old cousin, Luke. 

In the past ten minutes I have heard the following: 

  • "Meg called me stupid." 
  • "Luke is stupid." 
  • "Meg, I'm going to put you in a black hole."
  • Meg screaming.
  • "Get out! Get out! Get out!"
  • "Don't hit me with 'Tangled,' Meg."
  • Luke screaming. 
  • "Don't touch that! Don't touch that!" 
  • "Get your feet off my back!"
  • Both of them screaming. 
  • "She can't be Johnny Cash! I'm Johnny Cash!" (They saw "Million Dollar Quartet.")
  • "I'm Johnny Cash!"
  • "Give it back! Give it back Give it back!"
  • "Am I a pancake?" (Yeah, I'm really not sure where that came from.)

I have gone in there twice when I have been pretty sure bloodshed was imminent, but I am really trying to make them work it out on their own. Well, that, and I am trying to write this very important post. 

There was one moment of peace, but it involved Luke playing his guitar while Meg played her accordion. I guess it was nice that for a short time neither one of them was in danger, but it still burned my ears and sent the dog running for cover. It was only for a few seconds though, until Meg decided she wanted to be in the guitar case and the brawl began again. 

Hell, I might as well give up. I am never going to get this very important blog post done with all this racket. 

I guess you'll never know what I think of this fabulous invention: 

Oh, wait! Maybe if they make them in kids sizes as well as babies all my problems will be solved. 

I mean, as long as I don't hang Luke and Meg within kicking distance...


Gina said...

That sounds like my house EVERY DAY. And I want two of those kid-hangers - one in 8 year old size and one in 15-year old size. Express shipping, please!

Summer said...

Honey, this is my life. EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. I've gotten pretty good about determining fake screams from real perilous screams. Tune out. Tune out.

Amanda said...

I have laughed about this all night!

missohkay said...

That is a tacky but much wished-for invention. I'd worry about my lack of control over the practical joker on the other side of those hooks who'd unhinge my kid and then I'd have to lunge mid-stream to catch her. Aside from that...

Riot Kitty said...

"Am I a pancake?" Is that along the same lines of wondering if you're Jesus?

Anonymous said...

So life has been fun lately, I see.