Wednesday, April 18, 2012

The Reluctant Bride

I have christened my friend Molly the "reluctant bride."

It isn't that she doesn't want to get married. She does, and rightfully so; her fiance is a great guy. It isn't that she doesn't want to have a wedding. She's really looking forward to celebrating her marriage with her family and his at a small ceremony back east. No, she wants the wedding, and the marriage, she just doesn't want to have to do anything too "bridey." 

Pick out invitations? Not interested. 

Peruse bouquets? She doesn't want to carry flowers.

Fantasize about the perfect cake? There will be no fancy cake. 

Thumb through magazines looking for the perfect dress and hairstyle? She bought the dress years ago (on sale), and figures she will just "figure something out with her hair."

I can't even convince her she needs to register for gifts. Now, that's the one that really got me. After all, they are GIFTS! This is one of the only times in your life as an adult you can ask people to give you nice things, and THEY DO! Right now, if I asked a friend or family member to buy me new bed linens they would A) look at me strange, and B) tell me to buy them myself. Molly could totally get those bed linens though, and no one would bat an eye! She might even get too many sets and have to trade them in for other things like chafing dishes, and fluffy bath towels. 

I actually thought about registering for her, but I decided I don't want to be the "crazy friend" of the "reluctant bride." Also, I was kind of worried if I did that I would have to write the thank you notes for all the gifts. I still have flashbacks of that from my wedding -- and that was 7 years ago. I mean, after about the 76 note about flatware and kitchen utensils all creativity goes out the window.  I think at one point I actually wrote a thank you featuring the sentence "the rack will surely add 'spice' to our marriage."

I digress. 

I guess things could be worse. I could have "bridezilla" as a friend. Or "perfect theme wedding bride." Oh, or the worst bride I have heard of as of late: "grow all the food (including the chickens) for the wedding bride." That one scares the shit out of me. I mean, there is micromanaging, and then there is that woman. I'm sure she pictures perfect plates with home grown herbs sprinkled on them, but I see her curled in the fetal position, covered in chicken blood and mumbling about aphids eating the lettuce. I definitely prefer Molly to that nightmare.  


Maybe if I could just get Molly to do one "bridey" thing: like commit to a tea party shower, or go on a crash diet that requires her to be on a feeding tube...

Of course, either of those things might push her over the edge from "reluctant" to "runaway." Dammit. 

If only she would just ask for a toaster. 



Anonymous said...

That's pretty funny. I was a relaxed bride, but not to that level.

(PS: EVERYONE should want a toaster.)

Kelly said...

I just recently told my husband that we should get divorced so that we could get remarried a few months later, have a big wedding again and register to replace all of our old worn out stuff. It's been a little more than eleven years our shit is worn out! It would be worth the hassle.

It would be so worth it.

Patty O. said...

This is hysterical. Maybe she should elope. I just told my husband that if I had to do it over, I would have eloped. We could have saved our money and gone somewhere awesome like Hawaii. I'm still kicking myself.

Riot Kitty said...

I'm the same way. I didn't even want a wedding, just wanted to go see the judge and get it done, but I knew our families would kill us so we invited them to go see the judge.

No flowers, no cake, no muss, no fuss. I think it's a private thing, I didn't want to make a big deal. For us, it wasn't the marriage or wedding itself, it was just getting together.

LL Cool Joe said...

She sounds like the perfect bride to me, with or without a toaster.

Tracy Lynn said...

You had me at free bed linens, dude.

@MollyKDaunt said...

Fine Libby. FINE. You've talked me into it. I'll get a feeding tube.

Granny Annie said...

Perhaps she has moved a lot in her lifetime and knows how difficult it is to pack tons of possessions. Also she might be marrying an actual Prince and be able to afford everything her heart desires.

Rassles said...

I have lots of friends opt-out of the wedding registry, especially when they're already all grown and self-sufficient and living together.

Jody said...

I was exactly that kind of bride - managed to find someone at supercuts who curled my hair on the morning of. My sister picked out my dress and sorted the invites and my friend sorted my flowers. (The rest I hired a wedding planner for and just agreed with everything she decided.)

It was great :) The wedding isn't what should take work - that comes later with the marriage, although I love being married xo