Monday, December 6, 2010

The Blog Menace

I have horrible news.

No, really, I mean it. It's awful.

It might just ruin my life.

Tara is thinking of starting a blog.

Now, I am trying to be supportive, but really, I don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade. It's like trying to pretend everything is okay -- when the giant spaceships from "Independence Day" are hovering overhead. Oh, and unlike the losers in that movie, I know they do not come in peace.

First of all, there is the fact that Tara knows about me. A LOT about me. A lot about me I haven't put on this blog. Yes, I know that's shocking considering I have written posts like this one, but it's true. She could totally ruin my rep; and she would have good reason to -- considering I have posted pictures of her like the one below.


I know, I'm an awful friend. I deserve whatever Internet vengeance she has to dish out. I just don't really want to face it. Is that so wrong?

Also, there is the fact Tara has a baby almost as cute as Meg. I mean, fractions of a millimeter away cute. Plus, she's only four months, so who knows how her cute will grow in the future? I don't know if I can risk that. I mean, not for me, but for Meg. Really, won't someone think of the children?

Lastly, and I know this is ridiculous, but there is the slightest, most miniscule possibility Tara may be funnier than I am. I know, I know, that's like saying spiders are cuter than kittens, and pickle juice tastes more delicious than wine, but it is a real concern. I mean, in social settings she has been compared to a young Gallagher. I can only hope the watermelon thing won't transfer online very well.

I just hope that, of she does decide to blog, you will join me in shunning her, and let your friends know to shun her too. After all, there is only room for one sarcastic 30-something blonde with a baby, a dog, and a bad attitude on the Interwebs, right?

Right?

14 comments:

Jennifer Bruno said...

Don't worry. I will NEVER follow her. I will talk bad about her, write her name on a piece of paper, put it in a tiny cup, and stick it in the freezer. (That is some weird voodoo stuff I learned from my very own Tara... only my Tara is named Meredith). :-)

C Lo said...

Uuuhhhmm.........

Riot Kitty said...

I must be tired, because I spent about 10 seconds trying to figure out what a "hopethe watermelon thing" was!

Tara said...

Oh, I don't know, blogs seem so...work-y. Isn't there some way pictures of people in bad shoes can just appear on the screen and I can record shouted insults?

Tara said...

And by "bad shoes" I don't mean Crocs. Because Crocs aren't bad shoes...bad, bad, plastic shoes...

Jules said...

Tara, there are tons of places you can yell at people wearing Crocs.... or plastic shoes or Republicans. I'll hook you up.

But I do like cute baby pics....

Kelly said...

I would gladly support Tara by shunning her. I would even put her in my blog roll of shundom.

I do have a thing for cute babies after all.

LL Cool Joe said...

If Tara wears Crocs it will be very easy to shun her!

Amanda said...

Joe, Tara has better fashion sense than to even consider Crocs. Libby wears Crocs.

Can this be like Twilight? Can we get teens & disturbed middle-agers to wear Team Tara & Team Libby shirts?

Summer said...

Libby, you know that I adore you, but Tara hates Crocs the same as I and I can't shun that. I can't. There's enough room in my blog heart for both of you. If you throw the Crocs away, I'll consider shunning her.

dufmanno said...

Because I'm such a narcissistic heathen I even love it when people write terrible things about me and my offspring on their own blogs. Still having that problem with discerning "good" attention from "bad" attention.

The Tame One said...

I promise not to follow Tara... well, unless she follows me and then of course I will follow both of you and make comments on how darling your perspective children look.

Kelley said...

No, no! There's room for two! Seriously, there's only ONE of you and no one can replace you, but...make some room, make some room! Tara needs to get in to the blogosphere. Obviously, I know you were being sarcastic the whole time. I look forward to checking her blog out. Also, I love that picture you have the both of you. Ha!

Me, You, or Ellie said...

Oh, you're doomed, sistah.

Ellie