I have horrible news.
No, really, I mean it. It's awful.
It might just ruin my life.
Tara is thinking of starting a blog.
Now, I am trying to be supportive, but really, I don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade. It's like trying to pretend everything is okay -- when the giant spaceships from "Independence Day" are hovering overhead. Oh, and unlike the losers in that movie, I know they do not come in peace.
First of all, there is the fact that Tara knows about me. A LOT about me. A lot about me I haven't put on this blog. Yes, I know that's shocking considering I have written posts like this one, but it's true. She could totally ruin my rep; and she would have good reason to -- considering I have posted pictures of her like the one below.
I know, I'm an awful friend. I deserve whatever Internet vengeance she has to dish out. I just don't really want to face it. Is that so wrong?
Also, there is the fact Tara has a baby almost as cute as Meg. I mean, fractions of a millimeter away cute. Plus, she's only four months, so who knows how her cute will grow in the future? I don't know if I can risk that. I mean, not for me, but for Meg. Really, won't someone think of the children?
Lastly, and I know this is ridiculous, but there is the slightest, most miniscule possibility Tara may be funnier than I am. I know, I know, that's like saying spiders are cuter than kittens, and pickle juice tastes more delicious than wine, but it is a real concern. I mean, in social settings she has been compared to a young Gallagher. I can only hope the watermelon thing won't transfer online very well.
I just hope that, of she does decide to blog, you will join me in shunning her, and let your friends know to shun her too. After all, there is only room for one sarcastic 30-something blonde with a baby, a dog, and a bad attitude on the Interwebs, right?