I might be living with the new Boston (okay, Utah) strangler. I'm not kidding. He has the gloves for it. Know how I know he has the gloves for it? Because I bought them.
It is damn cold in Utah right now. I mean, colder than normal. That means it is so cold not even penguins want to vacation here, and Gwenyth Paltrow seems warm by comparison. Yep, it is even cold enough to freeze my sense of humor. It is also so cold that I had to go out -- and buy gloves. What kind of gloves did Ryan want? Dress gloves. You know, for when he dresses as a person who strangles people.
Really, there is no way that leather dress gloves can be worn without making the wearer look somewhat homicidal. They even look evil on the rack, like they might jump out and strangle you themselves. Ski gloves are sporty. Mittens are friendly and want to have a snowball fight and a beer. Those fingerless glove/mitten hybrids want to break dance and deliver packages on a bike. Dress gloves want to kill you.
It's not just the look of dress gloves, either. Have you ever heard fingers curling in that beautiful leather? "I'm coming for you," it says, "and I will do it in luxurious comfort and warmth." My little polyester lined fake shearling numbers are no match for that. NO MATCH FOR THAT!
I just hope he doesn't ask for a trench coat next. Then I'm really done.