Monday, October 18, 2010

Thanks, Interwebs

You guys sure know how to make a crazy girl feel loved.

Really, I was so overwhelmed by your kind words and suggestions that I considered writing some bad poetry about night rainbows and missing unicorns just to keep the love flowing. Then I realized there is a line between depression and reverting to junior high, and stopped work on my painting of Robert Smith done in my own blood.

One of the things that always surprises me when I am in the depths of depression is how many other people do know what I'm talking about. That I am not the only one. It's like the part of my mind that knows that completely shuts off, convincing me that I am the only one that has ever felt this way. Of course, that is also the part of my brain that tries to convince me that the averageness of depression makes me even more worthless when I remember I am not alone in all this. That part of my brain is a real asshole.

I am ignoring the asshole part of my brain right now though, and taking comfort in not feeling alone -- whether it be from Tara reminding me that she knows my crazy so well she could map it -- and match it with her own, or Joe hitting on our common panic button of death from way across the pond. I also did my first day without Nutrasweet in probably years thanks to a suggestion from the Tame One. I don't know if that will work yet, especially since Diet Pepsi withdrawal rage is powerful in my blood, but we'll see. I am even considering Shalyse's suggestion of acupuncture, though I tried it before for fertility, and it just felt like little needles in my face.

It's nice to know the Internet is good for more than porn and pyramid schemes. I mean, at least the non-money making part of it.

Thanks again.

I mean that.


LL Cool Joe said...

I think that is one of the best things about the blogging are not alone. Someone else, somewhere is going through what you are going through.

Kristine said...

I feel like I missed the party. The depression party. I'll be here to hold your hair if you need it.

BugginWord said...

Big squishy hugs that involve rocking back and forth and last an uncomfortably long time.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...

Joe said it best. Youre never really alone as long as you have bloggy friends.

Midwestern Mama Holly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Riot Kitty said...

I think you are brave to come out and talk about it. That's how we fight stigma!

Anonymous said...

I've been thinking about trying acupuncture.
I've also started to come to terms with the fact that I need to educate myself more in terms of my depression. I've had the diagnosis since I was 16 (10 years now), and I've only this past summer decided to start reading more about other people's stories, and searching out literature that helps explain it. It helps that I am coming out of a depressed state right now and have more motivation to do it. I've read two books by Kay Redfield Jamison that have been awesome, in my opinion-Night Falls Fast and An Unquiet Mind.
It is because of other brave souls like you who write about their struggles that help me realize I'm not alone, I'm not "crazy", and that there are helpful strategies out there to cope!