Just Go to Provo, Chickens

Glenn Beck is getting ready to, once again, separate conservative nut jobs from their money. And this time, he is planning to do it in Washington D.C. Big, scary Washington D.C. You know, the place where Democrats, and "the ethnic" roam the streets freely, and people who want nothing more to protect the rich with AK-47s die like dogs.

Not to worry though, since the thing Tea Partiers know best is how to harbor, promote, and profit off of fear, they have set up several guides for the fanny pack, American flag shirt wearing crowd, so that they don't unexpectedly wander into the "unsafe" (read: black) parts of the nation's capitol. Basically, they have taken the city, and pointed out to those attending the seven block area where they can be "safe." Not surprisingly, those are also the seven blocks where the majority of chain restaurants, and souvenir stands operate. Surprisingly, they say it's safe to go past 17th street on Pennsylvania Avenue. After all, I hear a black guy lives at 1600.

Now, I lived in D.C. for five years in the late 90's. The year I moved there residents were bemoaning the fact the city had just lost the title of "murder capitol of the U.S." to New Orleans. This was far, far before there were million dollar condos, and a tapas bar on every corner. I was young, and FROM UTAH, yet, I never feared that city, and it never gave me a reason to fear. In the entire time I was there the only harm that befell me was harm I brought on myself through bad decisions (boyfriends, drinking, working for FOX). I was never mugged, never robbed, never had property stolen. Oh, and it wasn't because I was so street savvy. Remember, I was 23, and FROM UTAH. No, I didn't jog at midnight along Rock Creek Parkway, but that's just because I didn't jog. I drank there quite a bit though.

I guess what I am trying to say is, a city is only as dangerous as you want it to be. If you fear something, it will become fearful. I always told my little sister (who also lived in D.C. for a time) that the best weapon she could have was a good "I belong here" face. Everyone protects their own -- especially in a city like D.C.

Maybe the Tea Partiers should even steer clear of that seven block area.

I mean, if they want to make it so obvious that they don't even want to make an effort to belong, both in D.C. and the nation. Maybe they should just bus in for the conference. It will be much safer. Then the only time they'll get mugged is when they hand their money over to Glenn -- and they'll be too busy smiling and taking pictures to commemorate it to realize what really happened...