No, I Was Drunk

I have done my share of dumb things while drunk. Hell, I am guessing anyone reading this who has been drinking with me has at least one story they are holding on to for when I run for office, or when they need money. However, in recent weeks, all of my drunk exploits have begun to seem plebeian in comparison to those making headlines.

Let's start with the easy one: Ann Curry. You know, the journalist. Yes, I wrote that without laughing -- or at least without laughing a lot. After all she nods like she's a journalist. You see, recently Ann Curry was asked to speak at the graduation at Wheaton College. So, like any good journalist, she looked up past graduates. That's called "research." Of course, she failed to notice that there are in fact TWO Wheaton Colleges in the U.S. -- and that she had researched the wrong one. I guess she missed the "fact checking" day at journalism school.

Her excuse? She was "Googling drunk."

She picked that hairstyle while drunk too..
Oh, and I found the pic on Google. This is the right Ann Curry, right?

She acted like she was kidding, but I think we all know she wasn't. After all, why do you think all of her ex-boyfriends started Twittering about weird hang ups on their answering machines the next day. Don't worry, Ann, we've all been there. Just don't expect a call from either University of Miami next spring.

Of course, Curry's exploits pale in comparison with those of Sarah, the Drunkess of York. She claims the only reason she offered to sell access to her ex-husband was because she had "been drinking." She made the admission on the Oprah Winfrey show -- for which I am sure she got paid -- so she must have been stoned or doing 'shrooms when she agreed to that.

The really obvious sign she was drinking at the time of the sting though, was the fact she though access to Prince Andrew was worth 500k. I opened a Diet Pepsi the other day and found a lunch with the Prince under the lid. Then I threw the lid away. Maybe next time they should put that prize under a screw cap on wine.

Those arms a product of Shiraz and smokes. Trust me.

I think instead of blaming the misstep on drinking though, Fergie should have blamed it on Weight Watchers. Do you know how many points are in a glass of wine? Two. Do you know how many points a woman Fergie's size gets a day? Eighteen. So, she probably had a long day, was meeting a complete stranger who may or may not be carrying a tape recorder, and decided to spend her points on booze instead of food. This is why WW isn't really the "lifestyle" for everyone -- especially fallen duchesses.

Now if only Lindsey Lohan could blame something embarrassing on being drunk. I mean, other than her career.