Monday, June 21, 2010

Five? Really?

I am, quite probably, the most faithful wife on the planet. I can honestly say that as long as I have been married I haven't thought about sleeping with anyone else, or even really found someone other than Ryan attractive. I mean, yes, I have looked at people and thought "oh, they're good looking," but I haven't wanted to throw my bra at them. Maybe it's because I did enough slutting around in my 20's (hi Mom!), or maybe it's because I am lazy and can't imagine the effort it must take to have an affair. In my opinion though, I think it's because my husband is one hot piece of ass, and he rocks my world like no other.

Wait, really, I have a point, and it's not to gross you out.

The fabulous Jules at Mean Girl Garage gave me this award, and despite my usual lukewarm feelings about such things, I decided to respond to it, first of all because she said I wouldn't, and second of all, because it features naked Barbies.

In my award acceptance speech I am supposed to name my five "freebies," or men* I would choose to sleep with if I could, and Ryan wouldn't get mad. Really though, if he's not going to get mad about me sleeping with someone else, he probably would be really okay with me checking into a hotel room by myself to watch cable, drink cheap wine, take long baths, and eat nothing but Cheeseburger Doritos for a weekend. Of course, after a couple hours I would get bored, and would want him to come up and bring Meg. She loves Doritos. And yes, I know that makes me Satan to all "organic" Moms.

Maybe they're the ones who really need to get laid... I wonder if every organic Mom has Keith Richards on her list, just to be bad.


*If I could turn back time, I would say Tony Curtis -- for all five. You know, when he was young, not now that he looks like this. I would post the actual picture on my blog, but it would make me too sad. Ryan is so lucky Tony isn't hot any more.

17 comments:

Riot Kitty said...

That is sad! Great award ;)

Cindy said...

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

Cheeseburger Doritos what?? Chips that taste like meat? I'm so out of the loop with snack foods. Jesus.

Wanna Bee said...

that is NOT Tony Curtis - you are lying and I don't care if I am wrong! Young (gay) Tony would be on my list too, along with Charles Nelson Reilly and Cary Grant. I really know how to pick 'em. I think the only straight guy on my list would be Kurt Vonnegut, but now he's dead. Good thing I have my husband who is not gay or dead - yeah!

Wanna Bee said...

oh wait Tony is not gay - just so very pretty

C Lo said...

You had me at "cheeseburger doritos".

Granny Annie said...

Viggo Mortenson

Maureen@IslandRoar said...

You're so cute.
See, I wish I had done a little more "slutting around" in my 20's before I got engaged at 23. Then the marriage ended at 36 and now at 48 I'm too old for slutting around.
Hey, Ryan is one lucky guy!

LL Cool Joe said...

I saw Tony on a chat show not long ago and I dunno he still had that same twinkle in eyes.

I've never did any slutting around and I feel I missed out.

Jules said...

Hee hee!!! Yay! You did it, well kind of. But you have naked Barbies on your blog!

Adoption of Jane said...

OMG there is such thing as Cheeseburger Doritos?????!!!! Please tell me where can I find them????!!!

Waiting Lisa said...

The picture of naked barbies is disturbing.

Now I want Doritos.

Oh, and I am definitely too lazy for an affair, haha. They seem like a lot of work.

Waiting Lisa said...

The picture of naked barbies is disturbing.

Now I want Doritos.

Oh, and I am definitely too lazy for an affair, haha. They seem like a lot of work.

Zoe Right said...

Ya'all are forgetting young Sean Connery. Yum, Yum.

Sam said...

Ah, slutting around in my '20s...wait, where was I? Oh, congratulations on your hot piece of ass husband.

That Tony Curtis photo made me sad. Not because of the wheelchair. Because of all the fruit.

Rassles said...

Bruce Willis. Ohhhhh, Bruce Willis.

dufmanno said...

I did this one but managed to forget to tag anyone after I named my five because I'm lazy and starting to suspect that I suffer from short term memory loss.
My husband, who normally could care less about such things, actually showed up and told me this made him jealous.
Shocking.
Also, I don't ever remember Tony looking like that.