I am in desperate need of new clothes. It has gotten to the point where every piece of clothing I pull out of closet is either has some sort of baby related stain, looks slightly lacy from the large number of small holes and tears, or was last fashionable in 2002 -- and it was likely only fashionable then because it was retro. Add to all these problems the fact I have lost 17 pounds, so all my fat pants are now falling off, and my skinny pants are still too tight, and I think you can understand why I wish I could wave a magic wand and totally revamp my wardrobe. After all, really, that's the only way it is going to happen.
It isn't that we don't have the money. I mean, we don't; my debit card laughs when I run it though the reader at the store, and our last bank statement didn't have numbers on it, but instead just said "broke as a joke." However, it is not finances that is keeping me from getting new clothes, but rather my abject fear of buying them.
Friends, I have no idea how to shop.
I have no idea what to look for on the rack. I hate trying things on. I don't know how things are supposed to fit. Also, I despise dressing room mirrors, and usually am so upset with the crazy static in my hair that only occurs in clothing stores that I don't even look at the clothes. Oh, and I always think I am spending too much money. I can spend like crazy on Meg, or on Ryan, or on gifts, but when it comes to me I worry 20 bucks is too much for a shirt or a pair of pants. I figure I am too hard on clothes to really spend more.
I've tried online shopping, thinking it would take the whole "store fear" out of the equation, only to wind up with dozens of pieces of clothing that either are not the color I thought, the size I thought, or had some weird applique I couldn't see in the pictures. I should have returned them, but I am not only bad at shopping, but really lazy.
I'm not really good about shopping with other people either. Multiple friends and family members have tried to take me out and make me over. Some of them still talk to me, but none of them will go shopping with me again. In most cases I refused to buy anything, finding varying reasons things weren't right, or refusing to try anything on because of the whole hair static thing. In the few cases where I did buy something I wore it once or twice, and then consigned it to the rack of misfit clothes -- items that lost their shine once the peer pressure was off.
Life would be so much easier if we were all nudists. Wait, no it wouldn't. Where would I put my keys? And, oh, SNAP, I share a chair at work. Yeah, nudism is out.
Well, maybe gypsy skirts with carrot stains will be the next big thing.
I can only hope.