Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Hills are Alive With the Sound of Panic

I am not a fan of "The Sound of Music." Never have been. Never will be. There is something about all of that singing about favorite things, and hanging from trees, and making play clothes out of curtains that just makes me itch with annoyance. All the songs are so upbeat. Even the sad ones are sung with smiles. I mean, not even the Nazis really get the Von Trapp family down -- they just see it as a minor annoyance that allows them to go on an extended family hike. It's just ridiculous.

And, if all that wasn't bad enough, this morning "The Sound of Music" almost cost me my job.

Every morning as people are coming into the office I listen to music so I can get my work done. It's a defense mechanism I have honed due to the location of my desk. This morning, I was listening to show tunes. Yes, show tunes. You gotta a problem with that? I didn't think so. Moving on. I was bopping along to Bernadette Peters singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" and feeling pretty good, when the track ended, and on came a bunch of nuns singing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria." I had a couple of ideas of my own, and I turned to Twitter to share the best of them:
"How DO you solve a problem like Maria? I mean, other than a good kick to the head."
I know, both funny, AND direct. I am truly gifted at zingers under 140 characters. It wasn't until about 45 minutes later I realized that tweet could have been taken in a very, very different context.

You see, my boss is named Maria.

I was talking to my friend Sam a bit later in the morning when he asked why I was annoyed with Maria. I said I wasn't, that we were getting along fine. He then asked if Maria and I were getting along why I wanted to kick her in the head. Alarm bells went off and the word "FUCK" blared in my head. I began to worry that in just a few hours getting fired because of a misunderstood Tweet would known as getting "Libbied." I took to the web again to explain myself.
"Realized my boss is named Maria, and that last tweet could be taken wrong. For the record, I was meant the annoying optimistic singing nun."
I was going to add on how much I love my job, and how I never, ever want to lose it, and how company loyalty is very important to me, but that wouldn't fit in 140 characters.

Thank God for Sam. And shame on you Maria Von Trapp. What kind of Austrian nun is named Maria anyway? What, were you too good to be named Ingrid?


Ugh.

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, and good damn night.

13 comments:

Heather said...

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens? Who gives a shit about that stuff? That's just weird. Glad you kept your job.

Scribe said...

I have the sheet music for The Sound of Music if you ever feel the need to Von Trapp it up to the flute...

Riot Kitty said...

"Itch with annoyance" is absolutely right! I never liked that movie.

Riot Kitty said...

PS Anyone who gets excited about whiskers on kittens has got a real problem, don't you think?

Jules said...

So you probably didn't like my 'Out of Tune Tuesday' this week, huh?

Little Girl Big Glasses said...

Good thing you weren't listening to the soundtrack from My Boss Sucks, I Hate This Stupid Job. That woulda been hard to undo.

The Empress said...

Ack! I hate the sound of music. They'd force us to watch this in the school cafeteria every year in catholic grade school.

I could just vomit.

I remember being kind of scared of that blond transvestite broad that wanted to snare the captain.

Kinda left an impression.

HILARIOUS POST!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I laughed out loud. OUT LOUD!

And the funny thing is... I own that movie. I saw it at the store for cheap, got totally excited, bought it, brought it home, watched it and then had an epiphany: "this movie? kinda sucks. why do I remember it being so wonderful?"

Even the memory of my favorite scene (from childhood) was destroyed. Y'all remember the secret meeting in the gazebo, right? Does anyone else think Liesl looks like a witch when she shouted out "wheeeeee!" Unfortunate lighting there. Very unfortunate.

Catherine said...

I love the obsurdness of that movie and have often though if I were to loose my job, I would make my boys lederhosen from my drapes. Next time please comment on Maria from west side story. They may think you are a lesbian but at least you'll keep your job.

Hippo Brigade said...

I admire your self control. I can't just Listen to show tunes. I must sing them, and twirl about like an awkward version of Julie Andrews.

WA said...

I always thought you solved a problem like Maria with penicillin and a restraining order, but what do I know?

LiLu said...

If I wasn't already following you, I'd follow you again. ;-)

BugginWord said...

Best show tune for work? "The Internet is for Porn." That probably wouldn't help you keep your job, either.