Dear Vice President Biden,
I can't tell you how glad I am that you are Vice President. I know, that might come as a shock that someone feels that way after your "fucking big deal" gaffe today, but it's true. You see, I read somewhere that during the campaign Obama gave you the choice of either being his running mate, or being Secretary of State. I think we can both agree it has been much safer having you behind a desk for the last 14 months. Otherwise, I think we can agree, foreign relations would be a fucking disaster.
Take for example the current situation in the middle east. Now, I am not saying this definitely would have happened, but I can easily picture you calling Netenyahu a dick after the announcement that Israel plans to build new homes in east Jerusalem. I can also picture you calling Ahmadinejad a damn loon. I am not saying that either characterization would have been improper, I'm just saying that they wouldn't have been helpful.
Your "aw shucks" train riding folksiness is just right for the VP slot. You let people know the White House isn't just about eggheads, it's about people who aren't sure when the television was invented. It's not just about crafting ground breaking policy, but also about gloating inappropriately in front of an open mic. Also, it's about knowing when to make the perfect gaffes, so the Republican hate machine pundits focus on pounding you for a little while, and leave Obama alone on possibly the most important day of his Presidency.
Yes, Joe, I am glad you are the Vice President. I will proudly buy and wear this t-shirt in your honor.
Best fucking wishes,