Meg is like an ad for babies. Really, she is amazing. She sleeps through the night, and has since she was two and a half months old. She doesn't get upset easily, and when she does she only cries for a second, as if to say "I think I have made my point." She has fingernails like razors, and enjoys pulling hair, but those are things easily overlooked. Still, even though she is pretty much the perfect baby, there are days when Meg drives me to the end of my rope.
Take today for example: she wouldn't take a nap. Well, she would, they just didn't last longer than fifteen minutes. And that meant she was only happy for about the first seven minutes after waking. After that she would whine, and rub her eyes, and generally be unpleasant. She wasn't happy in her exersaucer, or on her mat, or in her high chair. She wasn't screaming, or even making that much noise, but she needed my constant attention. Of course, all of this was on a day I desperately needed her to nap. I had so much to do, and I couldn't do it while holding or entertaining a baby. By the time Ryan got home I was fried, and escaped to the grocery store.
I have no idea what I would do if she was a "difficult" baby. Would I be able to handle it if she cried all the time? Or had colic? Or croup? What if she just wouldn't eat? Or couldn't sleep because of reflux? What would I do?
Yesterday, a Utah woman with one of those "difficult" babies smothered her child because he just wouldn't stop crying. She was holding him to her chest, trying to make him stop, and the next thing she knew, he wasn't breathing. She is now in jail, and, I would assume, in agony. The baby's brother, his twin, is in state custody. The boys' father, who was sleeping in the next room, I'm sure is just wondering what the hell happened, and probably wishing his wife had just woken him up for help.
I am not saying that I condone what this woman did. Far from it. What I am saying is that my feelings for her are not just anger, but also sadness. I know how tiring having a new baby is, and can't imagine how tiring having two is. I also can't imagine having one of those babies cry all the time. I like to think I would have what it takes, but who knows. Who knows what any of us are capable of when pushed to the edge. That has haunted me all day.
I do know one thing: when Meg was being slightly pissy today, I forgot about all the things I "had to do," held her tight, and thanked my lucky stars.