Being an adoptive parent you never know when you are going to have to deal with dumb, and some of the time insulting, questions. I mean everyone has to deal with questions like these, but adoptive parents seem to face more than their fair share. Take for example, my conversation with our plumber this afternoon. We both have daughters around six months, both doing about the same things. We were gabbing about the normal baby stuff when he started to do the subtle turn to adoption questions. You know, like, where was she born, and where is the birth Mom. I am so used to answering those I can do it in my sleep. And then, he hit me with a sucker punch: will the Mom (he dropped the birth) eventually take her back?
I am pretty sure I gave him a scary look, because he stopped talking immediately, and said he heard his mother calling. Or something like that, I didn't really hear him because the rage building in my ears was too loud. I showed him the door, and then went and hugged Meg tight.
Thinking back on it now, though, with a little bit of perspective, it wasn't really a dumb question. Insulting and uneducated, yes, but not necessarily dumb. After all, think of all of the media representations of adoption. I can not think of one book, movie, television show, or news story that casts adoption in a positive light. All of the mass media stories I know of are about parents who were robbed of their children by entitled others with no ethics and bad ovaries. Or about adopted children who want nothing more than to find the REAL parents. There are no popularly known stories about well adjusted adopted children who love their adoptive parents, and who are loved back. And yet, in my life alone, I run out of fingers and toes counting the ones I know.
I am hoping that as the years go on no dumb questions, or poor media representations, will bother me. I am also hoping that as the year's go on I won't feel the need to call Meg's "real" Mom to make her promise that this baby is ours to keep.
I am hoping. And I am getting another plumber.