Tuesday, January 5, 2010

She's Not Funny

I married Ryan for many reasons. He's handsome. He's smart. He is funny in a subtle way that makes me want to pin him down and dry hump him. Oh, and being married to him makes me look like a better person. For instance, he would never use the term "dry hump" in a piece that will be read by close family and friends.

Ryan's recent act of do-gooding involves the local chapter of Planned Parenthood. He is serving on the board of it's political action wing, which pushes for better sex education in schools, better reproductive health care for all, and rights for women who choose to terminate pregnancy. Yes, they do these things in Utah, and they do it without irony.

Part of Ryan's new role is recruiting people to join Planned Parenthood, and to raise money for the organization. At this time of year that means selling tickets to the annual benefit. The tickets are 100 dollars a piece, which is a little steep, but it includes dinner, a keynote speech by Camryn Manheim, and a night in a room filled with nothing but Liberals. Ryan has agreed to sell at least ten, which means if we don't we are on the hook for a cool grand.

I care about teen pregnancy, just not one thousand dollars worth. So, last night I sent out an email asking friends and family to please buy tickets. And I mistakenly sent it to my Mom as well. Her response is below....

"Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, $100 a ticket, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, how about we babysit? We only charge $50.00 an hour...ha, ha, ha, ha, oh stop, I can't breathe... Is Camryn Mannheim part of Mannheim Steamroller? Who spells Cameron with a y? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, $100 for dinner? As Jonathan Swift would say, 'What are they serving? The other, other white meat?'"
Wow. Did I mention my Dad is a really good person too? Good thing too. Because with this and the manger thing, Jesus may be reevaluating Mom's heaven RSVP.

Just kidding Mom. Please, don't disown me. Oh, and sorry for the "dry hump" thing too.

17 comments:

Kim said...

Poor Ryan, I bet he spends a lot of time explaining your remarks to people....hard to spin dry hump into something dignified, though.

Amanda said...

Is there an air of dishonesty in this one too? Like the bigfoot???

Logical Libby said...

I am well aware that Ellen aka "Mom" is starting a counter intelligence campaign that she did not create the alternate manger. All I know is, I didn't do it, ryan didn't do it, Meg didn't do it, and Olive isn't that smart. So, either Ellen did it, or its a Christmas miracle.

And that email is verbatim.

Susan said...

I like your mom.

Aly said...

I heart PPAC. Way to go, Ryan!

Scribe said...

I dry hump the Man all the time. He laughs and pushes me off. Damn it.

Jules said...

Too Funny!!

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...

Ok this cracked me up. That's saying something early in the morning with no coffee.

calicobebop said...

Ah, family humor and sarcasm. Gotta love it! I hope Ryan's dinner goes off well!

just making my way said...

I love your Mom. I hope you don't end up owing Planned Parenthood a grand! If I had $100 I would totally go. Oh, and if I lived in Utah. Duh.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I wish my mom was that funny.

Rassles said...

I don't know any liberals with enough money to go to stuff like that, unless they're the waitstaff. Or working for the organization that hosts the event.

I work in the non-profit world. I know these things.

Amanda said...

Lib, have you questioned Sally in the adding Bigfoot to the nativity scene? She's quite irreverent & has that 6th toe...

Captain Dumbass said...

I was going to make a joke about not being dry humped, but since my wife is pregnant and nauseous all the time and blaming me for it, maybe I won't. And, by the way, does everyone in Utah have a blog?

Aunt Becky said...

Bwahahahaha! I love you. Planned Parenthood is a great organization.

Heather said...

I love your mom for her email and for her responsibility in defacing the manger with a yeti. She sounds like the kind of Catholic who uses Jesus Christ as a swear word. All the time.

Dunc said...

OMG, can I please have your mom?