Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2010 Awaits

I love end of the year stories. All of the countdowns, look backs, and walks of shame have me riveted from beginning to end. I am not that fond of the "who died this year" pieces, except that they give me a chance to make sure Abe Vigoda is still alive. Actually, the more obscure the look back is, the better. I love the "wild and wacky" retrospectives with all the video that I want to put in the show, but can't because of my journalistic integrity.

This year though I am getting off the bench, and joining the game. I have gone through several ideas of my "end of the year" list. Foods that no longer exist. My favorite infomercials. Things no one should stick in their eyes, or ears for that mater. Then, the perfect list came to me. Ladies and gentlemen (or man, I think there is only one of you), I give you:


No, I am not saying that any of these things are actually going away. Actually, I expect most of them to get more invasive, like weeds, or diseases. I am just saying that I will try to stop letting them occupy my time, and make me crazy.

1. REALITY T.V. STARS I am specifically talking about Jon Gosslein here, but all of them can just go to hell. Really, all these people do is let the younger generations know they don't need to work hard, or pursue their dreams with vigor to be successful, they just need to procreate foolishly, make a sex tape, or date/be related to someone who has done either.

2. TEEN POP STARS Again, all of them can go to hell, but I am focusing on Miley Cyrus. First of all, what the hell happens to her upper lip when she smiles? Is that an affectation or a result of inbreeding? Oh, and the Jonas Brothers can go away too. I am very glad they have purity rings. I wish they had had purity vasectomies. I figure I have at least six years before Meg starts liking bullshit music. I plan to enjoy every second of it.

3. THE FACT MEG IS ADOPTED There will never be a day when I do not know Meg is adopted. I think our appearances guarantee that. However, I am hoping that in the next year the fact she is not my biological child will not periodically stop my heart. Maybe the official adoption will do it. Maybe the day to day business of motherhood will suffice. Whatever it is, I hope there will come a day when I have no fear someone will come and take my baby from me, or that she will want to leave me.

4. BANK ROBBERIES I would like to say that there has been an uptick in bank robberies because of the poor economy, but there hasn't. Now, we just pay more attention to them, because of surveillance video. I wish that bank robbers would learn the lesson that the video means they will be caught quicker, and go to jail longer -- usually for a 35 dollar payout. I wish that would happen. Until then I will just try to write the stories without grinding my teeth too loudly.

5. CLUTTER As I have said before, I am a bit OCD when it comes to clutter. Of course, clutter is inevitable when it comes to having a baby. In 2010 I hope to get to a point where I don't feel I always need to be straightening, or putting away, or mucking out. This may be the hardest on the list. I mean, unless I become a pyro.

Okay, so that's what I hope to do. Or I hope to get a better prescription for Klonopin... Especially if the Today Show gets worse.

Oh, and I hope to pay more attention to squrriels that can water ski.


Anonymous said...

My kids came out of my vagina and everyday they get older, I get a smidge more scared they'll want to leave me. I think that part is just part of the job, no matter who's womb your child grew in.

Scribe said...

Meg's adopted?!?! See how easy it is? I hope the adoption papers will help. The fact that you love and care for Meg automatically makes you the mom she needs.

I too wish the Jonas Brothers would combust, and Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift too. Taylor Swift? Why? Why? For the love of God, Why!?!

Cate said...

Best infomercials:
5: the soda express - make your own soda at home for pennies.
4: Jack LaLanne power juicer - he is 450 and can still do 1 handed push ups because of juice.
3: the grill xpress - everyone needs a thing that can cook cake stuffed with candy bars in 4 minutes.
2: the magic bullet - Burtram is my hero.
1: Ronco oven - set it and forget it!

Janine said...

I totally understand the worry about your child. My kids were not adopted but I worried for years about - everything. When they were about to go to summer camp (for a week) I worried at least a month before, daily, relentlessly until I exhausted myself from worry. I guess I'm trying to say it's natural, even though I realize this comment has been of absolutely no help. Ok, let's start this again.

Everything is going to be alright.

Anonymous said...

Since you have OCD and I have clutter, will you come over and declutter my house. I have NO idea what to do with this stuff.

Brenda said...

I'm still personally hung up on the fact that they let ME give my children NAMES that they'll have to live with FOREVER. Seriously, apparently I think it's not too late to go back and name them something more normal. My oldest is four. This is unlikely.

Your "pay less attention" list is great! Thanks!

KAM said...

Having both kinds of children, the birthed one, and the adopted one, I can say now, that there is no difference. They are both just my children. Crazy, crazy children. Mea's adoption day sealed the deal for me in that worry, and I hope that Meg's day does the same for you. It puts peace in your heart to know that she is yours forever, from that day forward.

You are her Momma, and the day will come soon that she will not only tell you that, but she will also look up to you with those beautiful big brown eyes, and tell you she loves you. That day will TOTALLY seal the deal.

Kim said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Summer said...

That's a fantastic approach to the new year. I agree with C Lo. It's normal (at least that's what I keep telling myself), but I hope the official adoption helps.

Kim said...

Commenting again to see if my clever disguise is working...

Wendi said...

I started hating the Today Show right about the time they discovered the Duggar family.

Heather said...

I'm with you on your list, and your anxiety about Meg. I worry that my own children, birthed of this uterus, will eventually grow to discard me like a piece of trash.

I guess it's inevitable. They all turn into teenagers some day, God willing.

Hang in there.

Amanda said...

I think that Cate's comment just showed us the way to Badger-Zen. Forget all but those things you just have to set & forget.
Sorry Lib, but that baby of yours is such a Mitchell, it is already evident when food is around.

MomZombie said...

I agree 100 percent with your list. Just wanted to add to the Meg adopted part: I'm three years into this and just recently I realized I no longer think of it or see it at all. In fact, I rarely even hear it, although it will always be obvious. I just see my daughter. A recent holiday picture featuring my bio daughter and my adopted daughter elicited the following response: "They look alike." Having the benefit of both kinds of children, let me assure you, the bio daughter is the one who gives me the most grief and regularly threatens to disown ME!