Wednesday, September 23, 2009

An Open Letter to Mackenzie Phillips

Dear Mackenzie,

Before I start this letter I just need to get one thing out of my system.

Ew. Really, ew. Maybe ugh too.

So, you slept with your father. Not just once, but many, many times. In fact, you only stopped sleeping with your father when you became pregnant with a child that was possibly his and had an abortion.

That's it, right?

There isn't any more? Your abortion didn't get up and start walking and become a prop comic did it? Because, really, you have gone so far I think it's best just to get everything out in the open right now.

I mean, that is where you want everything, isn't it? Out in the open? Because , I now know more unsavory details about you than I do about any of my closest friends, and they have plenty of unsavory details about them. In fact, I am kind of amazed at the little tidbits you are willing to drop at the feet of the publishing world and Oprah to get attention. I mean, I know it's hard for a former child star who had substance abuse issues to get a book deal nowadays (thanks Danny Bonaduce), but really, you were willing to go above and beyond. If one of the Cosby kids wants a book deal now they are going to have to prove they were abducted by aliens, impregnated, and gave birth to a lizard creature. Oh, and did drugs, but, really, now that's a given.

I am sure you are hoping that your shocking revelations will lead to book sales, and maybe someone optioning your story for a Lifetime movie of the week, but I think what it really might do it boost the sales of Wilson Phillips CDs. At least, I hope that's what it does. I know I am going out to buy one right now, just to say "I'm sorry" to your sister Chyna. I might even try and figure out what movies your sister Bijou has been in so I can buy one on DVD help her out too. I think they both deserve a little something for the public humiliation you are putting them through in the name of "catharsis."

Now, if you'll excuse me I have to go dip my head in a bucket of bleach to try and remove your story from my brain. Then I am going to get botox to get this expression off my face. Ever since this story leaked last night I have had looked lilke I just smelled stinky cheese, or listened to Glen Beck. It isn't pretty.

Best of luck, and once again, ew.

Libby

15 comments:

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...

I totally agree. I read the story earlier and seriously wish I didn't. It has infected my brain and I'm worried it will never leave.

Save some of that bleach for me.

Summer said...

OMG. It's weird because I haven't read the story but I now want to--so I'll know what the hell you're talking about. lol. I'm sure I'll need that bucket of brain bleach afterward.

BTW my two year old son was looking over my shoulder at your blog just now. He saw the pic of you guys and said, "That me. And that you Mama." I explained who you were. "Oh," he said, "Ibby and Egg." So you guys will forever be Ibby and Egg to me. lol.

Jules said...

My face looks like I'm listening to Glenn Beck just from reading your post. Great. Thanks.

Kim said...

You meant you're going out to buy ANOTHER copy of the Wilson Phillips CD, right?

Aunt Juicebox said...

Well I mean, when you're ugly, sometimes the only guy who will look at you twice is your dad....

Chief said...

I wondered how long it would take to get this up on a blog somewhere!

I loved the dipping your head in bleach comment. When I read it at work this morning(the story) I started itching and using germ-x and hoping the icky would go away.

Is it really important o make money off of something that no one really wanted to know in the first place? Whoever buys this book is twisted.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I was reading about this today and my first thought was, "....THE F*CK?" followed by my second thought of "How stoned do you have to be to get horizontal with your own daughter/father?"

I don't even want to know the answer.

Eternally Distracted said...

Thankfully this is a story I seem to have missed out on ... There are some things to be said for the censorship in this country!!

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Well, her sis believed her while two ex-wives of her dad do not.

A sad mess if I've ever seen one and the guy isn't even alive to answer to this horror-and-a-half tale. All of it makes my skin crawl.

http://tinyurl.com/yaru47h

Snotty McSnotterson said...

I think it's A) good if this is helping her psychologically, which I doubt, and B)lame that something this epic finally made me feel like an average human being. I also blame Oprah for giving her a vehicle with which to spew her painful revelations.

just making my way said...

So awful. That is happened and that we have to hear about it.

LB @Wait, She Said What? said...

Um, she's now saying her father is "a good man" and now my head really hurts.

MomZombie said...

All this has me wondering if any child star out of the '70s had a normal upbringing.

Rassles said...

Man, I wish there were some lyrics in California Dreamin' that could have forshadowed this. Because that would be awesome.

DC Diva said...

Why oh why do I go through periods when I don't read your blog?

Oh yeah, b/c I'm out of town forever w/ inconsistent internet access. (I don't read everyone's blogs during this time, for the record.)

SO glad to be back and catching up on you and your humor.