Monday, September 7, 2009

Making a Name for Myself

Over the weekend I managed to slip away from the baby to see the movie "Julie and Julia." It's a great film based on the book that launched a thousand blogs. Yes, before Julie Powell plopped herself down at her computer and began cooking her way through Julia Child's cookbook no one really thought a blog could launch someone into stardom. Now, anyone who has ever wanted to write a book, but doesn't have the wherewithal to do it, the people Fran Lebowitz once said should "eat something sweet" to suppress their creative instincts, have flocked to the web to launch a blog in the hopes of being plucked from obscurity, just like Julie Powell. They may not admit it (I don't normally), but it's true.

Julie Powell had something a lot of bloggers, myself included, do not have though. She had a gimmick, and an expiration date. Her readers knew she wouldn't just be rambling on endlessly about her cats, or her baby, or her dog like some of us. They also knew there was a good chance she would fail, so they had the whole "I could be there to watch the car crash" thing to draw them in.

I have been doing this blog now for almost three years, and am approaching five hundred posts, most of which are of the rambling variety. And so, I have decided to step it up a notch. I am going Ju
lie Powell on your asses. I am going to find a gimmick. I just need to decide which one....

Five Blog Gimmicks That Will Draw in Readers and Launch me to Super Stardom

1. The Bob Ross Project
Copying Powell almost completely, I will pick a PBS celebrity, Bo
b Ross of the "Joy of Painting," and attempt to do all of the paintings in his 10 hour instructional DVD set. This will be especially interesting since I can't draw a stick figure. I may, or may not try to grow my hair into a Bob Ross afro as part of the project, I haven't decided yet.

This could be me...

2. The Slowly Killing Myself Project I will take something people love, and prove how horrible it is for them by grossly overusing it. I will also do possibly irrevocable harm to myself while doing it. Oh, and I will document every step of my journey with pictures and videos to show just how devoted, and freakish, I am. I was thinking of eating nothing but fast food, but that's been done. Now I am looking at drinking nothing but wine, or listening to nothing but conservative talk radio and following every directive given. Actually, if I listen to that much talk radio I may need a lot of wine, so I might combine the two.


3. The Downsizing Project Little by little I will get rid of everything I own, until I am down to nothing, living in a one room shack like Thoreau. Along the way I will rage against capitalism, while also talking piously about how much my life sucks, but how it is so worth it. Readers can also check in to see the possible dissolution of my marriage, since I will give away Ryan's stuff too.

4. The Protest Project I will find an esoteric cause and devote myself to it fully. Maybe it could be something like "give me back all of my stuff" after I go through with number 3. Whatever it is, I will be militant about it, and chain myself to something at least once a week.

5. The Tony Curtis Project Since I was 14 years old I have been in love with Tony Curtis. No, I am not kidding. I think the highpoint of my life would be if Tony could play a major role in a big life event. Since it's too late for him to walk me down the aisle, at least for this marriage, I think his attendance at Meg's first birthday would be the next best thing. So, for the next 10 months I could work furiously to secure Mr. Curtis' attendance at the party, by any means necessary, restraining orders be dammed. I will have to put ads on the site if I decide to do this one though, since I will likely need bail money.

I heart him...

Oh my. The possibilities are endless. I think I just need to decide if readers would be more interested in me ruining my own life and reputation, or that of a celebrity... What would Julie Powell do?

Thoughts?

10 comments:

Jules said...

I would LOVE to see you give away all of your things, but I worry about Meg in this process. SO, if you PROMISE to grow a 'fro as you paint, I'll go with the Bob Ross one.

Chief said...

I am not sure how the critique of my eating habits will work. Usually people know they are slowly killing themselves and wouldn't come read you so you could remind them.

I think we would all come read you to see you give away everything. I get your dog ...umk?

*Akilah Sakai* said...

Do the Bob Ross fro thingy! I loved that show and how easy it was to make trees.

Rob said...

I would vote for one not on your list. Do without your washing machine for a year. With the addition of your daughter to the family, this would be super hilarious, especially with the addition of pictures. A surefire money train!

Bloggin Betty said...

I vote for #1. I would see how many "Happy Little Trees" you could fit into one painting.

Amanda said...

I vote for the Tony Curtis option, simply because we can give all the guests jaunty cravats!

Janine said...

too early to laugh this much.

and now I am thinking about my own JuliaBlog.

erin said...

I can not for the life of me decide between 2, 3 and 5.

Balls.

I hope we're not getting graded on this.

Regardless of any grading, I have always wanted to do a dieting theme on my blog. Like I'll post photos of myself in my underwear and then monthly until I lose some weight. The problem with that is that I'd starve myself for months before I took the photo... hmmm...

Ben said...

I want #2 - right wing talk radio is your only source of information and you must consume it every day for one year. And no wine is allowed as it would be unfair to numb your senses and hinder your ability to properly absorb the information. And I make a surefire bet right now. There is no way you can do it.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I vote for #1. I used to watch that guy when I was a kid, he was amazing. I've wanted to be a painter ever since, but I suck at it.
If you tried the giving stuff away thing, how would you dress Meg in all those stunningly cute little outfits?