Hot Zone

I do not handle being sick very well. In fact, I hate to admit this, but I am a bigger baby than Ryan when it comes to illness. He could be bleeding out of both eyes and he would power through, going to work, getting things done, not taking medication, and telling himself he will be better soon. I, on the other hand, like to spend the time that I am sick in a dark room, heavily medicated, just waiting for death to come take me so I can spy on my funeral and hear how much everyone misses me -- even those people who would never admit it.

For instance, right now I have a cold. It is not horrible, but it is enough that it is impacting my mind, body, and spirit. I feel run down, stuffed up, and worn out. If I had gotten this cold six months ago I would have called in sick to work, put a NyQuil drip in my arm and crawled into bed, where I would have stayed until I was well, and (hopefully) five pounds lighter. Of course, now I can't do that, or at least I shouldn't, because, now, I am a mother, and my entire life centers on making sure Meg does not get what I have.

I can't believe I am saying this but all of the cold tablets I have taken have been the "non-drowsy" kind. And I have taken them all without wine. Oh, and I have been drinking tons of water, not because I am thirsty, but because I heard it will push the bug out faster, and I need it gone. I am washing my hands seven thousand times a day, and using hand sanitizer in between. Also, I have been going into work, because, if Meg does get sick, I need to save my leave to take care of her.

I am a little worried that this cold is going to scar Meg for life. You see, in addition to the protective measures above I also have been trying to keep Meg healthy by staying away from her. She has spent a lot of time in her bouncy chair, and on her play mat, and we have spent endless hours in car driving, since she doesn't seem to notice she isn't being held when the world is speeding by. When I do hold her, I face her away from me, so I don't breathe on her. And I say "I'm sorry" to the back of her head just in case she is feeling neglected. I was thinking of wearing a mask, but that is too creepy even for me.

First thing I am doing when I get better is SMOTHERING that baby in kisses. Well, not actual smothering, because that's illegal. Oh, and then? I am taking something that makes me slightly drowsy... Maybe a nice Sav Blanc.