An Open Letter to Brad Pitt

Dear Brad Pitt,

The next time Ann Curry asks you to do an interview, I think you should refuse. Better yet, I think I you should get a restraining order. You see, I am pretty sure she is stalking you.

I, involuntarily, watch the Today Show every morning. I have to. It's either that or watch traffic cameras. I guess I could watch nothing, but then I would have to keep track of time by watching the clock, and that's too far away for my old eyes. Maybe I should get lasik. But that's not important. What is important is that I observe Ann Curry in almost every annoying moment she is on television. And let me tell you, there is something about interviewing you, or talking about interviewing you that makes her downright creepy.

You can see it first in the eyes. They get a little bulgy. You can see white on all the edges. And she stops blinking, like if she closes her eyes for a second she might miss some of your radiance. Her eyebrows go up too, as if she is trying to make more room to for her eyes to look at you. As Tara says it's "like she's trying to give him an ocular blow job." Yeah, that sounds gross, BECAUSE IT IS.

Her posture changes too, like she is reverting back into junior high girl mode. She crosses her hands, but not too much, because in case you make a move like you want to touch her, she wants to be ready. Oh, and when you do move towards her? She leans in and her hands snap at you like a Venus fly trap. I'm surprised you haven't lost a finger.She has her hand on your ass, doesn't she?

I'm surprised you haven't thought of this before. I mean, haven't you ever wondered why they don't send Meredith or Matt to interview you? You're a huge star, and yet the only person who ever interviews you is the fourth banana. Even Roker is more impressive! I think they all want to interview you, but that they are scared of Ann. No one wants to cross the crazy lady in the office. That's how yogurts get poisoned. Trust me on that one.

I know you need your ego stroked. It feels good when a national television show begs you for time and is willing to cover any of your projects, no matter how ridicuous or self serving. I'm sure Good Morning America would be willing to fawn all over you though, and those reporters probably aren't lurking in your bushes.

Really, check your bushes. Oh, and tell Angie to watch her back too. She may look Asian, but I am betting Curry has a bit of "Single White Female" in her.

Love your work, even "Cool World."

Best wishes,

Libby