My Brilliant Idea

Have you ever noticed how lots of great books in children's literature are based around parents who pick completely inappropriate care givers for their kids? Think about it. Good Dog Carl. The Cat in the Hat. Peter Pan. In all of those books children are left in the care of the family pet, or a demented animal who just shows up on the doorstep. And we all LOVE those books. We read them over, and over again, and give them to children as birthday presents. In fact, I don't think there are enough of them, and there definitely aren't enough that are based on real events. I plan to remedy that though, as I start on my new life's work: Meg and Sally: Tales of Dog and Baby.

Think of it: the real life adventures of a dog and baby left home together while their parents work to pay for formula and dog treats. Oh, the adventures they will have! The messes they will make! The lessons they will learn! And all will be well illustrated and sold in hardback keepsake first edition books that will help pay for college, and therapy. We will be killing two birds with one stone since I have always wanted to write a book, and we have to find someone to look after Meg. Because, let me tell you, right now neither of those aspects is going very well.

I am really beginning to think that there is no ideal child care situation out there. All of the "best" daycare centers have huge waiting lists that people must have gotten on before they even met their mate. Also, the idea of a daycare center freaks me out. They are like baby farms, and there are so many kids packed into each of them that the idea of avoiding colds and flus is unheard of. Oh, and if that isn't bad enough, they each cost a small fortune. Plus, most of them have really stupid names. I may be snobby, but I am not sending my child to a place called the "Kids Korral," no matter how many PhDs in child development they have working there. If the staff is so smart, shouldn't they know how to spell?

Another option is to find a daycare in a private home, which I would prefer, if everyone and their dog didn't have some kid of horror story about it. Kids left to watch television all day. Kids fed nothing but toast and off brand cheese puffs. Kids ignored and left to cry in playpens, Oh, and those are the stories of places people would recommend.

Of course, we could just get a Nanny. I don't know though, the idea of a Nanny freaks me out. I don't know if I could hire someone I would trust enough to leave alone in my house, with my kid, and all of my stuff. I think every time I came home I would look for things that had been moved, or toyed with. I guess we could get a Nannycam, but that just seems to prove my point.

All of this, of course, brings me back to Sally. I trust her. I love her. I know she won't go through the medicine cabinet, because she doesn't have thumbs. I know she won't expose the baby to lots of germs, because she doesn't know a lot of people. I know she doesn't have a criminal history, and doesn't care for television. And I know she would never hurt Meg. So, here is the plan. Starting Monday I will fit her with a vest, covered in bottles. I will smear Meg's face in peanut butter so she wants to be close to her. I will lay Meg on a blanket, and let them get close. Meg will eat, Sally will eat, they can both sleep, and I can go to work. The basis of a new literary classic will be be born.

Man, sometimes I am awed by my brilliance. I think the Division of Child Services will be awed as well...