Sunday, August 2, 2009

My Brilliant Idea

Have you ever noticed how lots of great books in children's literature are based around parents who pick completely inappropriate care givers for their kids? Think about it. Good Dog Carl. The Cat in the Hat. Peter Pan. In all of those books children are left in the care of the family pet, or a demented animal who just shows up on the doorstep. And we all LOVE those books. We read them over, and over again, and give them to children as birthday presents. In fact, I don't think there are enough of them, and there definitely aren't enough that are based on real events. I plan to remedy that though, as I start on my new life's work: Meg and Sally: Tales of Dog and Baby.

Think of it: the real life adventures of a dog and baby left home together while their parents work to pay for formula and dog treats. Oh, the adventures they will have! The messes they will make! The lessons they will learn! And all will be well illustrated and sold in hardback keepsake first edition books that will help pay for college, and therapy. We will be killing two birds with one stone since I have always wanted to write a book, and we have to find someone to look after Meg. Because, let me tell you, right now neither of those aspects is going very well.

I am really beginning to think that there is no ideal child care situation out there. All of the "best" daycare centers have huge waiting lists that people must have gotten on before they even met their mate. Also, the idea of a daycare center freaks me out. They are like baby farms, and there are so many kids packed into each of them that the idea of avoiding colds and flus is unheard of. Oh, and if that isn't bad enough, they each cost a small fortun
e. Plus, most of them have really stupid names. I may be snobby, but I am not sending my child to a place called the "Kids Korral," no matter how many PhDs in child development they have working there. If the staff is so smart, shouldn't they know how to spell?

Another option is to find a daycare in a private home, which I would prefer, if everyone and their dog didn't have some kid of horror story about it. Kids left to watch television all day. Kids fed nothing but toast and off brand cheese puffs. Kids ignored and left to cry in playpens, Oh, and those are the stories of places people would recommend.

Of course, we could just get a Nanny. I don't know though, the idea of a Nanny freaks me out. I don't know if I could hire someone I would trust enough to leave alone in my house, with my kid, and all of my stuff. I think every time I came home I would look for things that had been moved, or toyed with. I guess we could get a Nannycam, but that just seems to prove my point.

All of this, of course, brings me back to Sally. I trust her. I love her. I know she won't go through the medicine cabinet, because she doesn't have thumbs. I know she won't expose the baby to lots of germs, because she doesn't know a lot of people. I know she doesn't have a criminal history, and doesn't care for television. And I know she would never hurt Meg. So, here is the plan. Starting Monday I will fit her with a vest, covered in bottles. I will smear Meg's face in peanut butter so she wants to be close to her. I will lay Meg on a blanket, and let them get close. Meg will eat, Sally will eat, they can both sleep, and I can go to work. The basis of a new literary classic will be be born.

Man, sometimes I am awed by my brilliance. I think the Division of Child Services will be awed as well...

18 comments:

Sandi said...

You scare me girl!

Rob said...

My God, I had forgotten the nightmare known as infant care. Now you bring back horrible memories. Damn You!

Princess Consuela Bananahammock said...

Walter the Farting Dog comes to mind.

*Akilah Sakai* said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
*Akilah Sakai* said...

Exactly, Princess C!! I immediately thought of that book series. LOL! I also heard it's going to be made into a film, but no recent news on the possible film lately.

In the last pic, the dog is clearly saying, "I've got this."

Kim said...

This is one of the instances where I could see the advantage of the old-fashioned extended family thing-- you know, where the mother-in-law lives with you and watches the children and cooks the meals. If only you could put them back in the closet when you get home...

Cate said...

Pay me $1000 a month and I will watch your kid, entertain Sally, go through your stuff, and steal DVD's. It would be the greatest solution to all of your problems.

Amanda said...

Cate, I will see Libby's $1000 and up it $500, if I can throw Luke into the mix.

Lib, if the Cate route falls through, can I pay you $250 a month to have Sally watch Luke too?

Emily-Ione said...

Hey I will come there and take care of them both, I take care of dogs for a living how much different can a baby be? Besides if Sally eats a diaper I can fix that, if Med eats dog foid I should be able to figure that out too! WIN / WIN.. and I only drink a little wine.... ask your sister, I'm trust worthy.

Karlyn said...

Not only do they not know how to spell, but do you really want to put your kid in a corral?

Shannon said...

good luck in your search for acceptable child care! It isn't easy... that's for sure! We were blessed with a most amazing sitter!

Scribe said...

You can hook up Meg's stroller to Sally's leash and you got the walk thing covered too!

Jules said...

Sally looks a little frightened in that picture..... I'm not so sure about his plan.

And really, how long would the peanut butter on Meg's face even last??

Summer said...

Our kids go to a really great daycare center. I didn't have any luck with home daycare. We're kind of kicking around the idea of a nanny (one that's not opposed to laundry). Mainly, because as the kids get older, they have more activities that begin before we get off work, and it's hard rushing home from work to zip here and zip there.

I know you'll find something great. Most states have listings for ratings of daycares (home and centers).

Amanda said...

By the way Lib, I think Sally will be the first dog ever driven into therapy because of her owners.

Way to do a tag team trauma of dog & kid!

Phil said...

ve the dog and baby pics. I also think seriously that you're right. Daycares are awful in home care with a person you know and trust is the way to go. Personally though i'd trust your dog first.

DC Diva said...

Great plan. Just no peanut butter... babies can't touch that until they're 1. ;)

Wine?

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