DUCKS!

I almost had a fit when I looked out in our backyard yesterday and saw two ducks just hanging out near the pond.


About seven years ago my mother had a pair of ducklings that she raised for months until she figured out that ducks are actually pretty disgusting animals that are impossible to potty train. They went to a farm after that, but during their time at my Mom's they would follow my little sister around and sit in her lap to watch television. I was so jealous. And so, when I saw these ducks yesterday I knew I had to make them mine. I thought they would be thrilled because we have Cinemax and everyone knows ducks like soft core porn.

I grabbed a loaf of bread, opened the back door, and went out to welcome my new friends. Sally went out in front of me, and I was sure she was going to scare them off, but instead both Sally and the ducks decided to ignore each other's existence. I took that as a good omen and started to approach, making what I assumed were soothing noises for ducks, you know, kind of like a cross between a cluck and throat clearing. They started making a similar sound, and I really thought we were starting to communicate.

And then they flew away. Little jerks.

I went back inside to tell Ryan that he wouldn't have to build a duck pen after all. "They flew away," he asked. "Yeah," I said, "I think Sally scared them." He looked at me, and smiled. "It could have been worse," he said, "They could have bitten you. That probably would have hurt."

He knows me too well.