Sunday, May 10, 2009

Caution: Super Bitch Ahead

I am not a shy person. I have very little internal filter. More often than not, I say things I regret later, rather than regret later not saying something. That said, there are times that even I bite my tongue. Usually it is because I want to keep my job, or because I don't want to be disowned by my family, but sometimes it is just because I am being polite/don't have time to deal with the aftermath. That's why I really love this meme. Oh, and if you think I might be talking to you, just assume I am and change your behavior to fit my whims. Okay? Of course, if you are reading this you probably are one of the people I have no problem saying things to...

Ten Things I Wish I Could Say or That I Should Say to Certain People:

1. Yes, I have cats. That does not mean I care about yours.
2. I don't know when you decided that living with your head up your ass was a good idea, but it really wasn't.
3. I have no idea what your name is. The use of pet names is a cover.
4. Those shorts are waaaay too short.
5. I like it when you are pouting, because it means you aren't talking.
6. I am sorry I was mean to you in high school. I thought I was the picked on one, so I didn't notice I was picking on others.
7. I only pretend I don't like you because I know you don't like me. I think you are hilarious.
8. The fact you seem to pity me because I cannot have children biologically makes me pity you even more because you will never be an adequate mother to the one(s) you produced.
9. I don't care if everyone thinks you are a "nice guy." I think you are creepy. The cartoon character ties don't help.

Yeah, so I could only come up with nine. I told you I'm outspoken. I am glad that nowhere on the list did I have to put the words "I love you." I mean, I might bite my tongue, but not when it comes to letting people know how much they mean to me. Or if they owe me money.


Sharon, The Queen Blogger said...

You're right! Creepy guys use cartoon ties as a kind of lure or beard or something. Whatever it is, it doesn't work. It just makes them look even more creepy. Might as well get an old white van with no back windows and call it a day!

Amanda said...

Number 5 & number 8 are about me, aren't they?!?!?!

I am so writing a mean blog post about you.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock said...

Jeez, I'm glad to see that others notice the cartoon character ties as being beacons of creepiness.

I wanted to say, "oh, and I think you're hilarious too. Bitch." but then I got all chicken because I only just started getting to know you. Der.

Emily-Ione said...

Number 1 and number 8 all the way!
Oh Yeah!

Miss Yvonne said...

I love number 1...there is a lady at my office that knows I have cats, so she comes over to chit chat about hers. Bah!

Steam Me Up, Kid said...

I can't hear you, my head is too far up my ass.