David Copperfield Bores Even Himself

David Copperfield is creepy. Oh, and I am pretty sure he has spray on hair.

I am not going to explain how it came to pass that yesterday I went to see David Copperfield perform. Let's just say the tickets were free, I had nothing better to do, and there was a certain amount of whining on the parts of both Luke and Ryan. Whatever. So, there I was, sitting in the midst of grannies and geeks, at David Copperfield's "Grand Illusion" tour. However it probably should have been called "David Copperfield: Narcissist." You see, every moment of the show was dedicated to how "great" David Copperfield is. As people were filing in a power point presentation played listing all of his accomplishments. Did you know that David Copperfield is the only living magician to appear on a postage stamp? Yeah, it's was in New Guinea, and they have been known to put odd shaped potatoes on stamps, but he still is pretty proud of himself. Then, the show started with a montage of pretty much any time his name has been mentioned in television or film EVER. After watching it I understood that David Copperfield may have a high self-esteem, but he has no sense of when sarcasm or mocking are being employed.

The show itself was pretty interesting, although it was pretty obvious that David Copperfield had been doing it long enough that he just didn't care. He made a motorcycle appear. He moved through a steel plate. He made a car appear. He made a piece of paper dance. He made people disappear. He did a card trick with a scorpion. He made a duck disappear and reappear. And he did every one of these tricks with a sneer. This is when the show should have been called "David Copperfield: Give me my check, you Rubes." When he came out into the audience it was pretty obvious what he wanted, chicks with low cut tank tops who thought he was wonderful. I don't think they noticed he was looking down their tops the whole time, but I sure did. He also picked people who had been planted in the audience. You could definitely tell who they were because they acted less interested in the entire thing than he did.

The best part of the show for me was just getting to look at David Copperfield up close. I am guessing that Claudia Schiffer sucked out anything attractive about him when they broke up, because now he looks like a cross between a the crypt keeper and the Sham-Wow guy. Remember about ten years ago when Ron Popeil sold that spray on hair? I think David Copperfield bought out the stock. It doesn't even really look like hair. It's more like black cotton candy. Every time he did a trick with fire I feared for us all. And his overall demeanor is snake like. I'm sure he's trying to come off as mysterious and devil may care, but instead it just comes across as condescending and possibly contagious.

The fact that Luke loved the show made it all worth while. Of course, Luke also thought it was cool when I stood behind Ryan so it looked like it had four arms, so his bar is set pretty low. Well, and I got a blog and few good jokes out of it. At least I think I did... Maybe this is all just an ILLUSION!!!

No? Well, is THIS your card?

It isn't? Hmmm.

Wanna see Ryan with four arms?