Thursday, March 26, 2009

Eh, Who Cares

Making "to do" lists always makes me feel like a loser. Also, they make me a lot less likely to do something. I can tell you right now that on my current "to do" list are at least four things that have been there since I started it, and will be there until I get rid of the list because looking at it is too depressing.

"To do" lists are really big in self-help literature, but they aren’t just normal "to do" lists, but lifetime "to do" lists. Talk about setting someone up for failure. After reading a few of those books in college there was only one thing left on my lifetime "to do" list, and that was to write a self help book and make a million dollars by selling it to suckers like myself. Of course, since I put it on a "to do" list, that book still hasn’t been written.

Since surfing the web and reading random crap is easy, I do it often, and that is how I came across my new favorite thing – the anti "to do" list – the "fuck it" list. Yep, that’s right, a list of things that don’t have to be done before death. In fact, it would be better if they weren’t. It is the brain child of comedian Michael Ian Black, and I am so grateful that I would send him a check for all the money I spent on self help books in college, if I hadn’t already spent it on self help books in college.

So, since I know you are all dying to know what is on my "fuck it" list, I won’t keep you waiting. I’m sure that there are more, but finishing the "fuck it" list is actually on my "to do" list, so you can see my dilemma.

Libby’s "Fuck It" (rhymes with bucket, as in that crappy Jack Nicolson movie) List
  • This is pretty obvious, but I never want to run a marathon. Or a half marathon. Or a 10k. Or any kind of k.
  • I will never actively seek “abs of steel.” If they happen naturally, great, but I’m not going out of my way.
  • I never want to be known for “Libby’s Old Fashioned” anything. Not even porn.
  • No leather skirts. Or pants. Or pretty much anything other than shoes. And not just because of my allergy. Wait. Maybe my allergy is actually to tacky animal skin clothing.
  • I have no desire to read another Michael Critchton, John Grisham, J.K. Rowling, or that guy who wrote “The DaVinci Code” book. And if I forget the ones I have already read? No big loss.
  • I never want to go on a “raw food” diet. Nor should anyone else.
  • Voting Republican is obviously out.
  • Oh, so is buying a Celine Dion CD. Not just because no one buys CDs any more, either.
  • If I never see carnival in Rio, I will be okay. I will also probably save money on antibiotics for the treatment of STIs.
Those are some of mine. What are some of yours? Oh, and they better be funny, because otherwise they’re just sad. If I wanted to be sad I would just look over my old "to do" lists...


She Said said...

OK, my fuck it list would include:

I refuse to be instructed by anyone's blog post to be funny.