Friday, February 27, 2009

I'll Miss You, Ellen

My mother is a wonderful person. She is kind, loving, funny as shit, stubborn, smart, and generous. Oh, and she looks just like Cher.



I know, the resemblance is totally freaky. Yeah, they may not have the same taste in clothes (or tattoos), but you can't deny the appearance is dead on. And Mom hasn't even had any plastic surgery! I can't tell you how many times we'll be having a quiet family dinner at Olive Garden and someone will come up and ask for my Mom's autograph or ask her to sign "If I Could Turn Back Time." I guess they just assume she's having dinner with her roadies.

Oh, and if the physical similarities aren't enough, you should hear Ellen sing! She can really belt out "I Got You Babe" in a way you would never expect. She does the lip licking and the hair flipping that Cher does too. Really, if I didn't know better, sometimes I would swear Cher is in the kitchen making spaghetti.

My family isn't alone in our awe of the Ellen/Cher dichotomy. All of her students feel it too. Of course, they have to be reminded of who Cher is before they really see it, but once they understand they giggle with the sheer joy of it. One year my Mom put a picture of Cher in the yearbook instead of her picture -- and the kids claimed they got the joke -- but I think they were only clued in because my Mom had gone blonde, and Cher had brunette hair in the pic.

For years we have joked about what would happen if my Mom and Cher met. Would they meld into one, causing a time and space vortex to open? Would all the gay men in the world suddenly become straight? Would Sonny Bono rise from the grave? Well, this weekend we could find out -- Mom is heading to Vegas to challenge Cher to a Cher-off.

Yes, this weekend my Mom and her friend Linda are heading down to see Cher in concert at Cesar's Palace. They are going down Saturday, and coming back Sunday. I think if they spent any more time that close to Cher the magnetic poles of the earth might shift. I am almost certain that Cher will feel the shift though, and most likely bring my Mom up on stage.

And then I don't know what will happen.

Whatever does though, I want Ellen and Cher to know that having them in my life has been wonderful. However, I also know some things are just too special to be kept forever among us gypsies, tramps, and thieves...


Amanda said...

I hope mom does not wear the black leather outfit.

Emily-Ione said...

I knew there as something about Ellen I couldn't put my finger on. This is it.

heather said...

OK, just by the way....Ellen got all of her Cher talent from me. She only resembles Cher...I actually AM Cher. Many hours were spent behind the coffee counter where I taught her everything she knows. Plus, have you ever seen the resemblance to The Statue of Liberty as well...especially in a Gabby Gourmet apron.

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I could be related then to Sonny? I know I have had his hair cut, I think Ellen gave it to me.