The Christmas season is upon us, whether we like it or not. I usually enjoy the holidays, but this year I just can't get into it. That probably has something to do with the fact it's still in the high 50's here in Utah. Damn global warming, stealing my yuletide glow. Without the snow and the cold all I can think about are the things that annoy me about Christmas. As you may well expect, there are quite a few of them, so I'll just list the top five....
1. Eggnog This stuff had to invented on a bet. It's like someone said "let's create a liquid answer to haggis." And the fact that some people drink is sans alcohol? That is something that belongs in the DSM.
2. Cinnamon Scented Pine Cones One bag? Charming. Five hundred bags stacked right at the entrance of any supermarket I may enter from November 1st through January 31st? An olfactory nightmare that makes me want to toss my cookies. We get it, Christmas is here, but does that mean we can't smell anything else?
3. Gift Cards Gift cards should only be given in cases where you a) are pitching in for a large gift, or b) the person getting the gift has to be there to pick it out/try it on/get it licensed. At any other time all a gift card says is "I am obligated to get you a gift, but I don't know you well enough to know what you would like." If it truly is "the thought that counts," then gift cards are literally a no-brainer. And people who ask specifically for gift cards? They should just get a bell and a bucket and ask for cash.
4. Breakfast with Santa Why does it have to be breakfast? Doesn't Santa realize that the weekend is the only time some of us get to sleep in? Why can't it be cocktail hour with Santa? Or even brunch with Santa? I would be willing to split the difference and do brunch. Oh, and could we do it somewhere that the food doesn't suck? I have never been to a breakfast with Santa where the food was better than what I could get at Denny's. Santa has to have at least one elf that can cook...
5. The Nutcracker My hatred of the Nutcracker could have something to do with the dance teacher who told my mother lessons were a waste of her money and my time, but I prefer to believe that it is simply because this ballet sucks. The plot goes right in the crapper when Flora heads off to the magical land. After that it's just every stupid dance that can be crammed in in order to make sure it isn't under four hours long. I've already told Ryan that he is on Nutcracker duty if we ever have a daughter. Maybe they can drink eggnog beforehand.
I know that several of you disagree with at least one of the items on my list. And I know even more of you secretly agree with all of them. Or are there other things that bug you even more? Let me know... Let's share Christmas pain.
A Fork In The Grass
5 hours ago