Wishes Growing on Trees

I am a big fan of wishes. I throw coins into fountains, and lift my feet at railroad crossings. I am always on the look out for the first star of the night, and I practically pee myself with joy when I see a shooting star.While I really like wishing though, I am a pretty firm believer that none of them will ever come true -- unless by happenstance. It isn't that I think wishing doesn't work, I just think there are too many technicalities.

I mean, so I say "I wish we had a lot of money." Well, that could be any kind of money. It could be Canadian money, which we all know is useless. Also, I didn't specify a date, so when do I want the money? Also, who is "we"? The world? well, that "we" already has a ton of money as witnesses by this week's bank bailout. I am not pessimistic about the idea of a wish coming true just because a person wished it. I just think whomever may be in charge of wishes is a bureaucratic asshole looking for a way to ironically screw the wish makers. Apparently though, Yoko Ono does not believe the same way I do.

Ono's newest project is a series of "wish trees" placed at various locations around the country. People are supposed to write their wishes on tags, and then hang them from branches of trees. All the gathered wishes will eventually go to the Imagine Peace Tower in Iceland. One of the locations for the trees is in Pasadena, where I just happened to be last weekend. Tara and I spent a good half an hour just going around looking at the various wishes people made, and I have to tell you -- money and sex topped the list. A prostitute who moonlights as a loan shark should have set up shop right outside. Here are some of my favorites:


Of course, because Tara and I are Tara and me we had to make our own wishes. She wouldn't tell me what she wished for, and hung it up high so I couldn't reach it if I went looking for it. She also said she disguised her handwriting, but I don't think she's that clever. My wish was very simple, and I think anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with me can figure out what it is. I can't explicitly tell you what it is though, as that will instantly invalidate any written or implied contract I may have with the wish granters. And I don't want to give them a reason. All I know is that if Obama is elected, a lot people start making a lot of money, I see someone flying overhead, and a strong kid with white teeth appears out of nowhere my wish is close to coming true.