Sunday, September 14, 2008

An Open Letter to Barbara Striesand

Dear Barbara,

Please sit down and shut up.

I loved you in "Funny Girl." I loved you in "Yentl." I even sat through "Nuts" and "The Mirror Has Two Faces." I think you are a fabulous performer and a national treasure, but as a political ally, you are kryptonite.

Let's review your involvement in the last two political campaigns. You appeared at fundraisers for Al Gore and John Kerry. What do both of these men have in common? They lost. They lost in elections where the opponent was no better than a monkey in a conservatively cut dress. And yet, now you think it is a good thing to do the same to Obama? Barack Obama, a real hope for change in Washington? I'm sorry Barbara, but I think your ego has eclipsed reality.

You see, something has happened recently that you would know about if you took a moment to read a newspaper in between getting your hair and nails done -- Sarah Palin has entered the race, and the American people love her. She is their backwoods darling, no matter how uneducated (Bush doctrine, anyone?), unprepared (Yup, yup?), or completely backwards (linking Iraq to September 11th? Um, not even Bush does that). And not only do Americans like her, they feel sorry for her, and are ready to protect against any potential harm. Palin has told them that she is proof "anyone can be President" (yes, I know Tina Fey said that, but really, can't you imagine Palin saying it?) and by god they have her back now. All they need to cement their fervor? A 28-thousand dollar a plate fundraiser held in Hollywood, sponsored by gay movie moguls, and featuring a prima donna who once played a communist in a 70's movie. The only thing that would be worse is if you promised to burn a flag at the end of your show. Shit. I was kidding, please don't take that as an actual suggestion.

If you really want to help, Barbara, donate money. All of the cash that you would have spent on a saucy frock, a make-up artist/miracle worker, a band, and really good lighting, send it to the campaign -- anonymously.

Please, Barbara. If you won't do it for me do it for America. Do it for you. Because I'm pretty sure electing Sarah Palin will do nothing for your record sales. She seems more the LeAnn Womack type.




Amanda said...

Luke misses you. He said that a few times last night.

Maybe Babs could do a benefit of Nader.

She Said said...

You slay me. Thanks for keeping me fired up! You're great!

Emily-Ione said...

Peeeeople, people whoo neeeed people....

sorry, you were asking for that.