You Can't Spell Class Without A-S-S

There are few things more satisfying than a good demolition derby. Holding a cold Coors Light, surrounded by men with not a lot of teeth but a whole bunch of sex appeal, and screaming for drivers to crash harder is one of the best ways I can think of to spend a summer evening. Luckily, I have friends that share my passion, and we have turned into a pretty motley derby crew. We've already been to one this year, where we had the added bonus of standing on metal bleachers in a thunderstorm to watch the melee. The possibility of imminent death caused in large part by our own stupidity made the experience that much sweeter. Only one thing would have made it better: and that is if my birthday gift from Lieberman had arrived in time.


Isn't it a beauty? Of course, I will have to make some alterations before it is truly derby ready. The neck and the sleeves (obviously) have to go. Actually, I'm surprised that any company called "Derby Shirts" sells clothing with sleeves at all. They have to know their customers just cut them off and throw them away -- or use them as tube tops for toddlers. Oh, that would be so cute!

Once the standard alterations are done I plan to really make this shirt my own. Maybe I'll slit the bottom into several sections, and put cute little beads on them. or I could bedazzle my name on it. Of course, whatever I do will have to involve some sort of sparkle -- I need to hold onto my femininity.

I just hope it's all done by the State Fair Derby in September. That would be like showing up to Ascot without a hat...