Locked Out

If anyone out there in Internet-land has any idea where my keys are, please let me know. I last saw them yesterday when I went out to get something out of the truck, and now they have disappeared. I think the fact that Ryan and I were babysitting two children under the age of three at the time may have had something to do with it. Maybe the chaos from trying to get the kids bathed, fed, and in bed opened a vortex to another dimension and the keys were sucked through. It's really the only thing that makes sense. I have looked all through the house, under the furniture, in the drawers, in the trash, in the car, in the garden, in the mailbox, and up my butt (that was Tara's suggestion).

I really can't think of anything more annoying than losing my keys, especially since I lost them at home. Yes, I can just go get copies of Ryan's made, but now I'm all worried that someone has my keys, knows where I live and one day soon will come, burglarize my home, and then steal both my cars. Oh, and then they'll find my Mom's address, realize I probably have keys to her house and car on my key ring, and go burglarize her house and steal her cars. And I will NEVER hear the end of that.

Also, I had a key fob to a local grocery store that accessed my "pet club" account, which was just dollars a day from getting me a nine dollar coupon on kibble. Now that's gone with the wind. And before you say "well, just give them your phone number and they can access the account that way," know that I never sent in the card to attach the key fob to my identity because that takes effort. I hate effort.

My Mom suggested that I try asking her friend Ruth to help me find my keys. Ruth has been dead for more than two decades, but she's still pretty helpful in this arena. I cannot tell you how many times I have lost something, had a short conversation with Ruth (she doesn't talk back after all), and instantly found what I was looking for. I asked though, and I've gotten nothing. So, either Ruth can't see my keys, or she has them and doesn't want to give them back, which brings me back to the whole key sucking vortex theory.

Maybe this is just Ryan's way of getting rid of me without having to change the locks...