Child's Play

I love Playmobil. I have always thought they had the coolest play sets and used to lust after their spare Swedish designs as a child. They were like the early Ikea. In the years since my childhood I have enviously watched as more "girl" sets have come been added to the line with cute, perfectly proportioned, puppies, and darling babies with drawn on, pert noses. I have to admit that there were many occasions when I thought of picking up a set, just for "kitsch" value, but then saw a much cuter Pound Puppy with a customizable tag.

Playmobil has continued to evolve, even when I wasn't paying attention. It was our friend Andrew (enough with the fake names) who pointed out their latest product: the Playmobil Security Checkpoint.

Even better than the actual toy (which is real) are some of the product reviews that some people felt they just had to post.

"I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.

The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush). The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard that the CC TV cameras on that thing are pretty worthless in terms of quality and motion detection, so I think I'll get him the Playmobil Abu-Gharib Interogation Set instead (it comes with a cute little memo from George Bush)."

I hate it when people try to be funny. They really should leave it to those of us who have been practicing since we were five. And anyway, what's wrong with toy companies trying to make children understand their worlds by miniaturing and marketing it? I know it would have been easier to take Luke to Disneyland if he had been aware he was going to take off his shoes beforehand.

In the same spirit, aren't fast food play sets a good thing? I mean, why make kids think that their first job will be something of any worth? Let's get them ready for life early. After all, Bratz dolls let girls know early that if they don't put out they will never be loved. I have never seen one out of the package, but I am pretty sure they have life-like labia.

I definitely plan to get Luke one of these sets -- only modified. I plan to put our big cat, Rita, at the end of the checkpoint so that the threat is real. Only Rita can stop terrorists, after all.

God bless America, and all it's disposable goods.