Eulogy for a Blow Dryer

After 11 years my blow dryer is on it's last legs. Now, before you begin to scoff about this post being a mindless paean to pointless consumerism, know that I have had this blow dryer longer than I have known my husband, longer than I have had any of my cats or my dog, and almost three times as long as Luke has been alive. It has moved with me across country and into several apartments as well as my first home. And through it all it has faithfully dried my hair, and not in a way that makes it look weird. And that's hard with my hair, as it prefers looking weird.

I got this blow dryer at the CVS pharmacy across from my apartment in Washington D.C. I needed it due to the fact a sister that shall not be named (Cate) had decided my blow dryer was hers when I visited home at Christmas. She may not remember it like that, but it's my blog so my memory trumps any lies she may make up. I picked this hair dryer for two reasons: it was cheap, and it blew air. I didn't have any idea it would turn into a lasting relationship.

Vaya con dios, muchacha.

There were several times I almost lost my blow dryer, the most serious right after I got my cat Rita. She sheds more than any cat on the planet, and for some reason all of the hair seemed to be sucked into the blow dryer. I almost began believing Rita was sleeping on it while I was at work. I spent several hours leaning over the blow dryer painstakingly picking fur out of the intake, turning it on and off to see if the burning cat hair smell had dissipated. After that I started wrapping it in a t-shirt when not in use, until it got it's very own drawer in our house.

I don't want you to think it's been all fun and games with my blow dryer. Like all relationships we have had our hard times. For three months I had very short bangs after it decided to suddenly go red hot, singeing everything in it's path. There were also several times it sucked my hair into the intake, creating rats nest the size of, well, rats. Like all partnerships though I forgave and forgot, and I think the blow dryer did too.

About two weeks ago the blow dryer starting doing the electronic equivalent of laying lethargically on the floor. It would only heat for small bursts, just pushing out hot air for seconds before going cold. And the hot air was scorching. It was definitely trying to overcompensate. On Sunday I told Ryan it was time. I needed a new blow dryer. He looked at me and said "then buy one." I hope he isn't so callous about any children we may have.

This afternoon I found my new blow dryer. It was marked down to $10.72 cents at our local grocery store, due to a damaged box. I find that an auspicious start, being that economy was the driving force that brought my current blow dryer into my life. However, I still can't take it out of the box. I almost feel I don't want the other one to see it. I want my current blow dryer to still feel like top dog. I mean, at least until it coughs it's last spasm of red hot air, burns a bald spot on my head and dies victoriously. Then I will bury it at midnight in the backyard. Or throw it away, I haven't decided yet.

One thing is certain though, it will always have a special place in my heart. Right next to the toaster. But I still get too emotional to talk about that....