No tell Motel

This weekend I went to visit Ryan in Saint George. I'll be honest, it had been a week and I needed to see my husband naked. Since Ryan stays in a dorm during debate camp there was no way we were going to be staying there. I have never had sex in a dorm and I'm proud of that. So, I went on Orbitz, where I found a great rate for the Days Inn. A familiar saying comes to mind right now -- you get what you pay for.

On first glance everything looked okay. There was a sanitary strip on the toilet, there were pocket-sized toiletries on the sink, there was a hair dryer that might do the job in two hours or less and there was free HBO. Then I actually stepped inside the room -- and discovered the huge mirrored wall.

I am sure that some people would pay extra for a big mirrored wall. I am not one of them. I prefer to sneak by mirrors sucking my stomach in while closing my eyes. But there was no avoiding this thing. There it was, ceiling to floor in all it's mirrored glory. And it wasn't one of those kind mirrors that elongates you. It was more the short, squat fun house variety. Yeah, I felt sexy.

When we first arrived I had to take a shower -- Saint George does that to you. That's when I noticed the judicious cleaning of the bathroom floor. The center of it was very clean. However, six inches from each wall a grey film covered the floor -- and seemed to creep up to steal my soul. I had to shower just to get over getting out of the shower.

I got in bed while waiting for Ryan to get out of the shower. That's when I noticed them. Footprints. On the mirror. No, I am not making this up. They were about size 11 men's and they had obviously been put there with some pressure. I quickly stripped the bedspread and blanket of the bed and covered what I could of the sheets and pillow cases in plastic laundry bags conveniently provided by the Days Inn.

There was no way I was going to the pool.

The night was not a total loss though, the bed was comfortable and I got to see my husband naked. However, the next time I need an out of town booty call -- we're staying at the Holiday Inn.