Too Damn Smart

Last night we walked up the home of some friends for dinner -- and being that we are "those kind of people" we took our dog along. I can only imagine how obnoxious we'll be when we bring both Sally and the baby with us everywhere we go. Maybe we can alternate which one we take. At least the baby probably wouldn't chew on the sofa if we left it alone. But, then again, leaving Sally won't get us arrested for child neglect... But, I digress.

When we arrived at the home we were greeted by their dog Stella. Stella is one of my favorite dogs in the world. She is big and yellow and, I swear to God, laughs at my jokes. She is also a binge eater. Her vet actually put Stella on a diet because she had a little too much junk in the trunk. She actually is looking quite svelte now though and I think will be ready for bathing suit season. As soon as we walked in the door Stella took off to protect her beloved tennis ball, Sally ran after her to steal it and Ryan and I sat down with our hosts for a lovely appetizer of artichokes and a ranch dipping sauce. After about an hour it was time for dinner, so we moved over to the table for some scrumptious pork chops and pasta. I should have known something was up when Sally and Stella did not immediately follow and begin begging.

We first noticed something was wrong when both dogs appeared with strange white smears on their faces. At first we assumed it must be pollen -- they had been playing in the garden. But then Ryan noticed the smears were runny -- and had a ranchy tang to them. Yes, the dogs had decided to clean up the first course for themselves. However, they skipped the middle man artichoke and went straight for the good stuff.

Our hostess then went into the kitchen to start clearing up -- only to discover there was little to clear. The Sally and Stella cleaning crew had been through and thoughtfully cleared up the mess of the leftover pork chops. I can just imagine Sally standing guard at the door while Stella brought the pork chops off the table with a hearty "Oh, my god, I'm starving!" I'm sure she was well rewarded for her complicity in breaking Stella's diet.

After they had been found out both dogs stared at us with "Who? What? Pork Chops?" looks on their faces. And that just makes it so damn hard to be mad. At least it was until later that evening when Sally (and I'm sure Stella) too began filling the house with gas that could only be described as "toxic." Really, we could sell it to the military and end the war in Iraq. But, at least while she was tooting, Sally was smiling and dreaming of a wonderful night of stolen porkchops covered in ranch dip...