Special Mother's Day Edition

Ah, Mother's Day. The one day of the year when all of children's transgressions can be forgiven with a bouquet of zinnias purchased at 7-11. When kids call mothers they haven't talked to in months -- mainly because they can't stand them -- and lie about the wonderful childhoods they had. When restaurants can charge double for runny eggs Benedict and cheap fruit salad because they give each Mom a daisy. What a holiday.

I am kind of a Mother's Day abnormality -- because I like my Mom. Yes, we have had our moments of gritted teeth and rolled eyes, but, for the most part we enjoy each other's company. We have similar sense of humor and propriety and we generally make fun of the same people in shopping malls. And she has taught me a lot... mostly by example.

1. If you stick your hand out of a moving car a big truck will most likely come along and rip it off. She knows, it happened to a friend in high school. He was an identical twin and the only way could tell them apart was one didn't have an arm.

2. If there is a large statue of Jesus at your school with a missing hand do NOT make it a hook and then lay in it's arms to have your picture taken. You will be expelled.

3. It is possible to have been at Woodstock and recording with the Archies at the same time -- with no real proof of either.

4. Vacations are a time to eat everything you want -- because calories don't count. Also, because you walk everywhere. On vacation everything is within walking distance -- even if that distance is four miles up steep San Francisco streets.

5. Buying candy and drinks outside the movie theater and bringing them in is more fun -- and surprisingly tastier -- than buying them there. Just be sure to cough when you open your soda can so no one can hear it.

6. Don't try to skip school by claiming you have leukemia. Eventually someone will find out and you'll end up with your new stepmother going to school with you every day for a month.

7. Webbed toes (a family trait) can be disguised in open toe sandals by drawing a lie down the middle with eyeliner.

8. Meatloaf is delicious hot -- but always save some for cold sandwiches the next day.

I could go on and on -- but I won't -- mainly so that me Mom keeps speaking to me. I will just end by saying I am very, very lucky to have to have Ellen Mitchell as my Mother and that I can't wait to be a Mom myself due largely to her example.


I love you Mom.