Not right

I try not to comment on the news -- because I bathe in it all day. When I am not at work I try to focus on the better things in life, like wine and unicorns. But, sometimes something comes up that is so egregious, so disturbing and just so wrong that I cannot hold my tongue. Such a matter came to my attention in the New York Times yesterday. What was it, you may ask? Darfur? Iraq? The return of high waisted jeans? No, none of those horrors could compare with what greeted me on the food and dining page.

Kool-aid soaked pickles.

No, I am not making this up. This trainwreck of a food idea has actually reached the point where people are trademarking names and guarding "secret recipes" for their drink mix dunks. Schools are serving them to children. There is actual etiquette on how to eat them. I mean, my god, the New York Times is writing about them! Isn't that a sign of the apocalypse?

Don't put this in your mouth

I am well aware that as a kid I ate bizarre things that adults questioned. Peanut Butter, pretzel and cheese sandwiches come to mind. But this is beyond anything I may have enjoyed in my youth. It looks radioactive -- only I think radioactive waste probably has higher nutritional value. Tons of sugar and salt and the remnants of a once proud vegetable. AND THEY ARE GIVING THEM TO CHILDREN!!! What happened to the whole "children are our future" thing? Did that go out the window when Whitney Brown started doing crack and reality TV?

Please, join my crusade to save our food. Pork rinds, cheetos, those noxious bright orange "cheese" crackers that have the shelf life of uranium, those can all stay. But these have to go. Our future depends on it.